


i'm with the sk8er boy (i said see you l8er boy)

by scumfucklesbian



Category: Raven Cycle - Maggie Stiefvater
Genre: First Kiss, First Meetings, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Drug Addiction, M/M, Ronan Lynch Has No Chill, Skateboarding, Strangers to Lovers, adam is kinda screwing around with k, also i dont know anything about skateboarding or boys, au where adam can kickflip, au where adam listens to the smiths, pynch is endgame though, ronan and k are exes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-04
Updated: 2019-08-24
Packaged: 2020-07-31 02:47:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 7
Words: 23,803
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20107918
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/scumfucklesbian/pseuds/scumfucklesbian
Summary: "I could teach you if you want," Adam said softly, "to skate"Ronan turned to him and tried not to be knocked out of his breath. Adam was shyly playing with his beat-up board, a shoulder shrugging up as he tilted his head. His lips were twitching in a small smile and Ronan tried not to swoon."I didn't say I didn't know how to skate""You're at a skatepark without a skateboard, you can't skate""Touche"(okay it's an adam skaterboy au)





	1. can i make it anymore obvious?

**Author's Note:**

> this is completely based on avril lavigne's sk8er boi and i don't know jackshit about skateboarding oop, currently unedited because i'm a piece of shit tbh

Noah was standing in the middle of his room like a stubborn child, pouting in a way that would make Gansey weak and comply instantly.

Unfortunately, it wasn't Gansey he was begging for a ride, but instead the other resident of Monmouth Manufacturing, Ronan Lynch, an impossibility of a boy twice as stubborn as Noah was capable of being.

"No fucking way dude," Ronan scowled but it only worsened Noah's begging. Ronan gave the shorter boy a very pointed look, Noah only continued to stay still on his feet, nonchalant to all the garbage stewed around Ronan's room floor and the microorganisms they were probably breeding.

Night had fallen on Henrietta, the sleepy Virginian town was silent and slow. In the room just one door from the two arguing boys was the third resident of Monmouth Manufacturing, finally sleeping before it struck four am. Ronan tried to quietly shoo Noah the fuck out, concerned for Gansey and his exhaustion, silently concerned about his friend's severe insomnia. Just the slightest wind could wake him up and fuel him straight into another late night obsessive research binge, and Ronan was trying his best not to raise his voice to get Noah to leave him the fuck alone.

"Why not"

"Because the skatepark is full of posers"

Noah gave him a look, a poor imitation of intimidation. They've been at this for hours, ever since Noah barged into Ronan's room a minute to midnight, begging his roommate to drive him all the way to the other side of town just to thread half pipes. Ronan stayed lying on his bed with his arms cross, refusing to even look at Noah.

"You just don't wanna go cause your ex will be there, _right_?"

"Can't you just skate there on your own?" Ronan huffed, ignoring what Noah just said. Noah squinted at him in suspicion. Ronan was a shit liar, the lack of practice made him easy to read like a fucking picture book. Ronan didn't lie anyways, he just swerved the focus far away from the truth like a burning car crash. Ronan threw a book at Noah's general direction to get him out.

Okay so, admittedly the only reason why Ronan was protesting driving Noah to the local Henrietta's shady skatepark for a vaguely illegal meet up was that Ronan knew for a fact Kavinsky was going to be there, hiding in the shadows and shooting up like the slimy bastard he was. They had ended on bad terms and Ronan wasn't sure he could control his fists from slamming K's face into the concrete when he'd see him again. Ronan was still fuming from the time he caught the shitface trying to sell his youngest brother colourful pills in ziplock baggies. There was no confirmation Ronan would be able to behave himself if he went.

Noah sat on the foot of Ronan's bed before the owner of the room had any time to protest, giving his friend a sympathetic look that made Ronan's skin crawl. He hated that he was being so obvious, that Noah could see clearly that he was upset even after his carefully crafted air of uncaring. He kept pretending he wasn't hung up over some stupid boy his self destructive tendencies had set him up with but the truth was he hadn't left his room in days.

The wound was still too raw, the last fight they had before Ronan had dumped Kavinsky was violent and bloody, a battle between feral dogs instead of two teenage boys. Ronan hadn't loved K. Of course not, boys like K hadn't been bred to love. And he was well aware whatever K felt for him was an obsession and morbid fascination more than anything else. They were ugly and toxic and dangerous, exactly how Ronan liked his weekend vices.

No, Ronan didn't miss K in the slightest. He just had a little too long for his anger to simmer and his wrist was still a little weak from when K had slammed them onto the sidewalk.

Noah put a comforting hand to Ronan's shaved head, not scared away in the slightest by Ronan's scowling. Ronan was a flashing neon warning sign and Noah was completely immune to sight.

"There's free booze"

Ronan grabs his keys from the mountain of identical tank tops at the foot of his bed without another word. Noah hisses a victorious cry that Ronan tries to ignore as he shrugged on a leather jacket. Noah flicked Ronan's crumbled homework to the back of his head, mumbling '_who's the poser now_' under his breath.

★

Ronan groaned as Noah dove for the aux cord before Ronan could reach for it, some loud pop punk garbage blaring through Ronan's speakers and ruining his moody vibe before he could even protest.

"What happened to your own fucking car"

Noah's face burned red, mumbling something under his breath quickly, the thrumming of his music blocking out most of his words.

"What was that?"

"I said I broke the engine, probably"

Ronan gave him a _look_.

Noah gave him a nonchalant shrug in reply, scrolling through his playlist before Ronan's speakers were playing early 2000s Avril Lavigne. "Ollies are harder to make than they look and my board flew out, hitting the thingy and it won't start"

"So I'm only driving your sorry ass because you're a wholeass idiot?"

Noah didn't confirm Ronan's words, only bumping his head as sk8erboi played on high volume, mouthing along to the words. Ronan groaned as he drove out of Monmouth, pressing hard down on the gas pedal without looking back, silently grateful to finally leave his room and return back to his one true love on the empty Henrietta roads. Ronan would admit it but he was grateful Noah dragged him out that night.

"It's whatever, my friend Adam Parrish is a mechanic, it'll be peachy in like six months?" Noah shrugged as he pointedly avoided making eye contact with Ronan "Who fucking knows dude, I'm not the one sexually attracted to cars"

That caught Ronan a little off guard, Noah didn't have many friends other than Ronan himself and Gansey, not after the incident at least. Now he was a shell of the boy Ronan knew he was, before Barrington Whelk had tried to shoot a hole through his skull. Ronan tried not to stare at the decolourisation on his companion's cheek as he danced in the restrictive space of the BMW's passenger seat.

It had been too long since Noah mentioned anyone else outside of their little bubble of idiots and Ronan was a little surprised that someone had managed to coax Noah enough to get him to talk to them. After that traumatizing night, a horrifying hospital visit and weeks of Noah in recovery, it was like Noah didn't trust anyone for a long time. Whoever managed to start a conversation with this new Noah must be made of miracles.

_Who the fuck was Adam Parrish?_

★

Despite what Noah thought, that he really didn't want to get out of his pity party in his room because of Kavinsky, Ronan genuinely did hate the skatepark.

It was late at night meaning that the harsh stage lights were turned on rendering Ronan's eyes stinging, especially since he'd been surrounded by nothing but shadows for the past few weeks. There weren't as many skaters at this timing meaning there were fewer assholes playing their music at the highest volume creating a hurricane of mixed match lyrics and vaguely angry screaming that would give anyone a pounding headache. There were no kids skating either, none of their sensible parents allowing their children out to Henrietta's skatepark after dark, especially if they knew about what the older kids got up to once the sun had set.

The place was dingy and warm, the concrete worn out after years of use and no repairs made by the town. All the rails were caked in layers of chalk and there were empty beer bottles lying everywhere near the ramps, the grass growing a garden of reckless teenage rebellion. It smelled like trouble wherever Ronan walked, the air tasted too familiar. Everything about the hellhole reminded Ronan of the months he would screw around with K in similar demon pits, careless and fueled by self-hatred. He tries his hardest to walk far away from all the dark corners he knows has been desecrated by their withering bodies.

Noah tugs on his sleeve and asks him if he was doing okay as he checked the tightness of his trucks. Ronan only grunted in reply, eyes scanning the multitudes of bodies to see if K had arrived in the crowd. He hadn't formed a plan yet on how and where he was going to hide the moment the piece of New Jersey trash showed up, so far it was to attach himself to Noah's side to prevent himself from starting world war three. He couldn't beat the shit out of K here, not in his territory surrounded by his unloyal guard dogs, the best thing he could do right now was avoid the hellhounds carefully and sneak off when Noah was distracted enough by his skating loser friends. His only defence mechanism being the shitty booze placed in one corner that he grabbed without hesitation.

Noah gave him a look, like Ronan's anxiety was clear as day.

There weren't many people at this meetup, a couple of K's dog loitering around the ramp and familiar faces from Aglionby.

He noticed there was a boy on one of the ramps, the nose of his beat-up board perched dangerously close to the edge. He was the only one who didn't look familiar. He was the only one that Ronan wasn't worried about.

Ronan watched with rapt attention as the boy swooped down, his knees bending high as he jumped off his board, said board turning in a full cycle before it glided down the slope. There's a brief second where Ronan sees the night breeze caught in the boy's dusty tendrils, a smile threatening to split his handsome face in two as he landed gracefully back on his board.

Ronan didn't know jackshit about skating or whatever, but he was impressed at how fluid the boy's movement looked, his board an extension of himself.

"Who's that?"

Ronan asked without realising he had said the words, too mesmerised at how the boy did a smooth boardslide against one of the park's rails before flipping and landing without trouble again, the bottom of his board flashed red with a roughed up coca cola logo.

"That, my fellow useless gay, is Adam Parrish," Noah smirked, getting on his tiptoes just so he could lean one of his elbows on Ronan's shoulder, "He's really good at grinding"

Ronan spluttered at Noah's choice of words as his friend continued to fake innocence, pretending to check his wheels.

Ronan stared on as Adam skated the full perimeter of the skatepark, the harsh artificial lights catching on his fine cheekbones, his red flannel flowing behind him as he went faster. His face remained neutral as he continued to make tricks on every concrete surface, although his lips twitched every time he landed on his bearings.

So this was Adam Parrish.

Ronan could only see flashes of him, an imprint or a suggestion of a boy instead of a full image. Ronan saw more of the speed that Adam created than Adam himself, like a blurry photograph. The street lights cast a halo around his head as he went, the muscle on his calves obvious despite his worn-out jeans as he continued to push around. Ronan gulped nervously, he already knew he was fucked.

"Careful, his favourite band is the Smiths"

Ronan grimaced, it was always the pretty skaterboys with the shit taste in music. Noah laughed at Ronan's expression, nudging him in the rib with his elbow before taking off on his own board, an old longboard with a hand-painted ghost on the bottom.

Ronan didn't stop watching Adam even after Noah had left, taking periodic sips from his quickly warming beer bottle. At some point, the other boy had shed his outer flannel to show a ratty white shirt, a lovely sight that left Ronan's mouth dry.

Ronan watched as Adam shredded the halfpipe once more before landing near a group of boys that made Ronan's stomach curl. Adam leaned next to a street light and Ronan watched as Kavinsky placed a cigarette between Adam's lips, raising a lighter to the end.

Ronan felt vomit crawl up his throat.

Kavinsky had a hand placed on the dip of Adam's back, way too close down south for comfort. Adam was obviously used to it, with the way he didn't flinch or object the touch. Kavinsky used to treat Ronan the same way back when they were still dating, treating Ronan like he was just a trophy for show, and even then Ronan would push him and his filthy hands away.

Just the sight of Kavinsky himself made Ronan wither, shifting uncomfortably in his skin as he saw the rat for the first time since that day. He can still feel the blood that rushed out of his body when K kicked him in the nose. He can still hear the crack of K's skull against the cornerstone. They were feral boys not made for peaceful towns like Henrietta. It was what made them work together but together they were Armageddon, to the citizens and themselves. The truth was, Kavinsky had ruined him and left him to rot. He had dug his ugly fingers into the soil of Ronan's heart and left an equally ugly hole there, glaring and morbid. Ronan had allowed it then too, his self-hatred found any way to destroy himself into pieces.

Like the scenes from his worst nightmare, Ronan sees Kavinsky pointing at him, a bottle of vodka in his hand. His dogs were smiling, sickening and fearful. Ronan could not run, he was prey that had been spotted in a small metal cage.

Two of K's dogs came up to him and Ronan faked nonchalance as he sipped on his lukewarm beer. They shoved their shoulders against him like he was a wild animal. Ronan tried to refuse the forceful budge. They knocked him over and over again until Ronan had no choice but to move. K was a king here, and he demanded a sacrifice.

Ronan strolled there slowly against the shoving coming from behind him. He refused to give K the satisfaction of seeing him crawl back on his knees to the bastard. He would make it known he was only approaching the kingdom of vices through force, not want.

Ronan wanted to dig his fingers into K's eye sockets and rip his eyes out when he felt K's gaze filter up and down his body. He felt violated and disgusted, ready to punch his fist through K's smirking mouth. The scent of stale cigarettes and strong booze hit Ronan with nostalgia that made him retch. This was his home now, and even this he had left. From a quick glance, he could see Adam was staring at him too, in a distant way with his hollow blue eyes. It felt like he was looking at Ronan through a glass.

"Replaced me so soon?"

He sees Adam tense, his shoulders coiling up like tight wire. Kavinsky laughed, a wicked sound Ronan definitely didn't miss in the slightest. It made the blood in his veins rush back into his heart, the steady rhythm of his pulse playing a serenade of fear. Ronan tried his hardest not to look as K starts moving his hand to stroke Adam's thigh.

"Lighten up, Lynch, no hard feelings right?" Kavinsky smirked, his jaw snapping like a rabid dog, "We'll always be highschool sweethearts"

Ronan gave him an unimpressed look, his eyes shifting a moment to see the discomfort on Adam's face as K slung an arm around his shoulders. K pulled the much taller boy down to his throne of concrete and beer bottles, mouthing Adam's ear in a way that made Ronan sick. The huge scar Ronan had given K on the temple was nothing but a pink bump now, faded and just begging to be split open again.

"This one isn't as fun as you but at least he's not waiting until marriage for a little bit of fun"

Adam gave him a disgusted look and pulled away, spitting at K's feet. Ronan felt vaguely satisfied that Adam wasn't meek and accepting of K's bullshit but his stomach curled as K only laughed lowly in response and smacked Adam's ass as he skated away on his board.

"I see you're still a disgusting fuck"

K only winked at him in reply, throwing an empty bottle at Ronan's boots that made Ronan jump away. He scowled at the sound of glass shattering and tensed up his shoulders, ready to pounce and rip K's face off. K only raised an eyebrow, mocking and smiling, a joker planning for Ronan's anger. Ronan grunted and turned around to stomp off, he wouldn't give in. Especially when K had his whole army of demons here to rip Ronan to shreds. He hears K whistle from behind him but Ronan only stormed off quicker, drinking the liquid bronze in his cheap bottle until it was dry and empty, just like him.

★

"I'm not his toy"

Ronan jumped, barely, in surprise at a voice talking directly to his ear. Ronan was admittedly sulking away from the main crowd, determined to be as far away from K as possible, his body still strung with adrenaline and rage. Adam stood right next to him with his arms loosely crossed around his torso, haunting blue eyes looking down in shame at the dirty concrete. It was the first time Ronan heard him talk for himself the whole night and he was too caught up with the way Adam's vowels curled around his tongue and drawled out to really pay attention to what Adam had just said.

"Figured, you aren't really his type"

"And you are?"

Ronan scowled at Adam, looking away instead of confirming Adam's suspicions. As much as Ronan hated to admit it, he and K were perfect mirrors of each other. Adam hadn't walked away at Ronan's brashness though, instead, he took a tentative sit next to him on the concrete ledge, avoiding Ronan's hollow bottles, and sighed.

"You're Ronan Lynch, right?"

Ronan couldn't tell if Adam knew his name though Kavinsky or because of his reputation for trouble at Aglionby. Ronan didn't care, accepting that he didn't have a chance with someone who already knew he was destructive before they even met. There were no doubts the rumours surrounding him would've scared Adam off. So Ronan didn't answer, a silent confirmation. Adam doesn't shift away.

"Where's your board?"

"I don't skate"

They sat in relative silence, watching the skaters together as Ronan tried to not be too overly aware of his own shallow breathing. Adam wasn't sitting too close to him, their skin didn't brush in the slightest, but the _suggestion_ that if any of them shifted just the slightest their flesh would kiss made Ronan preen. Adam was warm beside him, his presence incapable of being ignored.

Ronan tried though, he pretended the prettiest boy in all of Henrietta wasn't sitting right next to him. Instead, he tried to hyper-focus on Noah shredding halfpipes with some other shitty Aglionby boy. His friend looked carefree though, happier than he looked in months following his almost murder. Ronan found himself subconsciously smiling at Noah's loud laughter as he made an impressive ollie. Facing K off was worth this.

"I could teach you if you want," Adam said softly, "to skate"

Ronan turned to him and tried not to be knocked out of his breath. Adam was shyly playing with his beat-up board, a shoulder shrugging up as he tilted his head. His lips were twitching in a small smile and Ronan tried not to swoon.

"I didn't say I _didn't know_ _how_ to skate"

"You're at a skatepark without a skateboard, you can't skate"

"Touche"

Adam gave him a wider smile that made his nose scrunch and his little boyish dimple appear, knocking Ronan over as they got up towards the main skate area.

★

Ronan tried to control his breathing as he feels Adam's arms wrap around his torso. He _knows_ Adam doesn't have to wrap his entire arms around Ronan and press his chest to Ronan's back, his breath tickling Ronan's neck as he spoke about the centre of gravity, but Ronan really wasn't complaining.

It turns out even getting on the board was a struggle, Ronan's legs giving up on him as the board kept sliding off without him, leaving him flat on his ass if not for Adam's strong hold on him. Ronan suddenly had great respect for Noah and his ability to shred staircases. There were only two things on his mind then, Adam's boyish hands holding onto him and hoping no one stole his boots he had to hide behind his little mountain of empty booze bottles.

"I thought skateboarders were supposed to be brain dead, why the fuck are you so smart, nerd?" Ronan sniped as Adam tried to explain to him the simple physics behind a push. He wasn't paying any attention of course, too fixated on Adam's honeysuckle drawl right next to his ear as his warm arms enveloped him.

Ronan was focused on not falling but from the corner of his eyes, he could see Adam's high cheekbones flush a lovely shade of rose, his shoulders shrugging up to his burning ears as he preened.

"Aglionby's scholarships aren't kind to students who slack"

Who exactly _was_ this kid?

"If you didn't listen to the Smiths I bet you'd have every girl in Henrietta tripping at your feet"

"And boys" Adam added subtly, like he was making it clear to Ronan he played for both teams like a skilled baseball player. Or at least that metaphor made sense to Ronan, he didn't know jackshit about baseball. Who cares, a cute boy is telling him he likes boys too. "Anyways the Smiths are peak music and you're just uncultured"

"Okay, Mister I-Was-Born-In-The-Wrong-Generation" Ronan smirked, pushing back against Adam to test his reaction. Adam only smiled down at where Ronan was practically leaning his head on Adam's shoulder, "the Smiths are trash, what are you? Deaf?"

"Yeah, half," Adam sighed, pointing to his left ear.

Ronan gave him a look and Adam only shrugged, using his sneaker to adjust Ronan's footing. Ronan felt a slight ghost of guilt but refused to apologise, knowing pity didn't do shit to help anyone who hid they were in pain.

"Does that mean you can still hear the good music I'll play for you when I carry a shitty boombox over my head outside your window?"

"Please don't" Adam groaned, the tension in his body noticeably drained from where Ronan could feel in his shoulders. Adam was laughing though so Ronan took it as a victory, a careless thing that made Ronan flustered.

★

"I think you need a helmet," Adam commented as Ronan fell off once again, cursing loudly, "I think you'd look cute in one of those sparkly pink ones from Walmart, the ones with the unicorns"

Ronan tried to ignore that Adam indirectly called him cute, instead kicking at the other boy's feet playfully from his position on the ground before jumping back to his feet, brushing the loose gravel on his knees.

"Don't be so heteronormative, Parrish, pink is my favourite colour"

Adam laughed a sweet melody at him as Ronan tried to shove Adam in retaliation, almost making the board fly from under him again.

Adam caught him by the waist though, his arm slung around Ronan's hips and made them way too close. Ronan wanted to kiss him even if they just met tonight, even in front of the other Aglionby assholes. _Especially_ in front of the other Aglionby assholes. He briefly remembers K isn't too far away, his alcohol drowned brain didn't care though. Adam was dangerous and Ronan _wanted_.

"Maybe you shouldn't be learning to skate while you're tipsy"

"I'm not a fucking lightweight" Ronan replied, attempting to push himself on the board without Adam's assistance to prove his point. Adam nodded in satisfaction as Ronan made it all the way to the fence on his own, "but if you insist, I know a couple of other physical activities we could do instead"

Adam rolled his eyes at him, running to catch up as Ronan continued to skate around away from Adam's chasing.

When Adam finally catches him, Ronan skated two full rounds around the park without tripping and falling on his face. Adam's face had broken into a grin that split his handsome face in two, the corners of his eyes crinkling up as his teeth showed. Ronan was caught off guard.

They laid flat down on the concrete, both boys heaving in exhaustion as they caught their breaths, _giggling_ in between exhales. Adam's gaze tore into Ronan, setting him on fire as he kept his eyes trained on how the harsh light landed on Adam's cheekbones. Ronan had lost track of Noah hours ago but he found himself not caring anymore, not when Adam was right next to him, still bursting into sudden laughter periodically.

When they finally calmed down their racing heartbeats, Adam looked at Ronan shyly from between his lashes, his teeth biting down on his bottom lip. The night sky littered by stars outlined Adam's profile and Ronan's squished cheek made his sight blurry, the constellations above them blending into the constellations that slept on Adam's cheekbones. They were silent, an agreement unsaid between them with the permission to _look_, the only sound surrounding their withering bodies was their own shallow breathing and the sound of wheels scrapping on metal rails.

"It's getting late"

"Yea"

Neither of them looked away.

"I really have to go, my parents- they'll wake up soon"

At the mention of home, Ronan could see Adam getting defensive. His head hung low and his chin touched his chest. There was a sad lilt to his voice when he mentioned leaving. Ronan wanted to hold his hand.

"Will I see you again, asshole?"

"Clingy loser," Adam was grinning now, barely but it was enough. He stared at Ronan with that same hollow look at before, back when he had Kavinsky's arm slung around him. Ronan tried not to burn under his gaze. "Maybe at school"

Ronan nodded as Adam got up from his lying position and threw his board on the ground. Adam looked down to give Ronan one more glance as he fixed his footing. Ronan gave him a short wave and Adam smiled shyly before skating away. Ronan doesn't stop staring until Adam was nothing but a smudge far away under the dark Henrietta night sky.

Ronan squeezed his eyes shut and exhaled.


	2. this charming man

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a collection of tender non-dates and summer pining

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i split chapter 2 into separate parts because it was getting too long but at least it means faster updates

Ronan went to school on Monday.

He rarely went out of his room, let alone to his classes. Aglionby was suffocating, surrounded by people he hated more than himself, the blue tie a constant noose tight around his neck. Ronan loathed school, his own personal hell. The only class he could bear without wanting to rip his head off was Latin but even then Ronan thought the teacher was a massive prick with a tree stuck in his ass. A slow eight-hour torture, boring him to death.

Of course, Ronan didn't attend school on that particular day in the interest of his education. Instead, he was only there to see if he could catch a glimpse of dusty hair and warm freckles again, almost convinced last night had been a grief fuelled fever dream laced with alcohol poisoning where his traitorous head had fantasised about the perfect boy, smart and handsome and funny and actually paid attention to Ronan as if Ronan wasn't miles out of his league.

Gansey didn't have to know that though. His friend was way too please that Ronan had finally left his fortress of solitude back into the real world and Ronan wasn't going to be the one to disappoint him with the fact that Ronan was only attending class to stare at pretty boys. Gansey can continue to have his false hope and Ronan can maybe spend an unhealthy time obsessing over Adam Parrish and his nice hands, it's a win-win situation.

Adam hadn't really told Ronan anything about himself, just that he went to Aglionby too. Ronan had been a little disappointed to leave last night without an address or even a phone number, afraid the interest he suspected from Adam had been nothing but false hope. Surely if Adam wanted to meet up again, he would have scrawled his digits on Ronan's arm or something, right? But his skittish appearance when he mentioned his parents made it obvious Adam was just too preoccupied in his head to remember giving Ronan any of his contacts, not from lack of interest. That at least gave Ronan some false hope.

Ronan tried his hardest not to make it too obvious he was looking for someone but Noah gave him a teasing look as Gansey remained oblivious, talking his ear off about some other mythology he managed to get himself obsessed with this time.

When Ronan does catch sight of Adam again, he practically trips over his feet, almost ruining his street cred.

He was standing at a locker, presumably his own, talking to some other Aglionby asshole Ronan was pretty sure was in his Latin class, an annoying prat with a stupid name.

It was sixth period and Gansey and Noah had classes in the building far from the one Ronan was supposed to be in. It was the hallway leading to the AP classrooms and Ronan was actually going to AP Latin for once. And he would've gone on time too if he hadn't caught a glimpse of Adam Parrish's dirty blond hair and fine fingers tapping on the chipping paint of his locker, only a brief walk from Ronan's own. He didn't understand how he didn't take notice of Adam before if they've always been this close. Adam was the kind of boy impossible to ignore and Ronan had been orbiting his solar system all this time without conscious.

Ronan tried to act naturally as he took his time to stroll towards the irritated looking boy, as if his heart wasn't in his throat at the fact that Adam actually _existed_ and was so _close_.

"Parrish"

Adam raised his gaze and stared hard at Ronan, like he couldn't believe Ronan existed either. His companion stared at Ronan too, also in disbelief but mostly because of Ronan's reputation. He gave Ronan a sneer but Ronan didn't pay attention to the little shit, not when Adam was standing right there, tucking a strand of hair behind his freckled ear. Ronan's heartbeat spirals as he sees the corners of Adam's lips twitch despite his annoyed expression.

"Lynch"

"Where's your board, poser?"

Adam rolled his eyes as he pulled books out of his cramped locker.

"It's at work," Adam said as he closed the metallic door gently, slowly looking up to meet Ronan's gaze, the other boy fully ignored now. Ronan felt smug as the Aglionby asshole spluttered in mild offence, preening under Adam's attention. "We can still go to the skatepark, after class, without it though. I recall some other poser not having a board either and he still went"

"Fuck off, Parrish," Ronan scoffed, Adam only smiled in response before he was walking down the hall, leaving a flustered Ronan and irritated Tad Carruthers.

★

They were at the skatepark but Adam didn't have his coca cola skateboard with him.

Instead, the two boys sat leaning against the rundown fence a distance away from the regular skaters who had their boards on them, too close to be brushed off as casual. Adam smiled up at him from his spot on the dry Henrietta grass, looking at home outdoors far away from any sort of civilization. Adam raised one side of an earbud to Ronan who took it instantly, scooting closer to Adam due to the short wire and their large distance.

They had met after school at one of the stop signs near the school buses parking area, near a cluster of smoking Aglionby boys with expensive cigarettes hanging from their lips. Ronan had skipped his last period Math just so he could see Adam sooner and he felt absolutely no remorse for sacrificing his education when Adam grinned at the sight of him.

Adam's earbuds were shitty, no doubts from a vending machine somewhere on the sidewalk, but even with the poor quality, there was no doubting the annoying whine of Morrissey playing from Adam's ancient nokia. Ronan groaned audibly and threw his side of the earbud far from reach, only causing Adam to burst out in laughter at Ronan's overdramatic reaction.

"The Smiths? _Really_?"

Adam grinned at Ronan's obvious disgust, adjusting the volume louder to _Heaven Knows I'm Miserable Now _like the little shit he was_, _like he found amusement in Ronan's suffering.

Ronan grumbled in protest but closed his eyes regardless, listening to pretentious garbage just because he had Adam next to him.

Adam still had his eyes fluttered shut, his fair eyelashes brushing his cheekbones as wildflowers surrounded him like a blanket. The dry Henrietta grass grew around his outline as the summer sun-kissed his freckled cheeks and painted his handsome face shades of soft gold. Ronan held his breath as the atmosphere attacked his lungs, watching Adam as he twisted his head to the tune of the awful music, his lips quirking as he mouthed the lyrics.

The sky was bright blue, the air was clear, and Ronan was just a little starstruck by Adam Parrish.

The song faded into a guitar riff that Ronan had to admit wasn't bad. Adam was humming the tune gently as his fingers twisted around blades of grass, Ronan scooted closer until their shoulders were pressed together. Adam didn't comment on their proximity so neither did Ronan, enjoying the easiness between them as the music ended to play _another_ Smith's song. Ronan was a little offended by Adams tracklist.

"So what'd'ya think?"

"It was still shit but the pretty boy next to me made torture not so bad after all," Ronan sees Adam's head duck in embarrassment, his cheeks a light red hue that brought out his little freckles, "Man, Parrish, you are _depressing_"

Adam shoves the toe of his sneaker to Ronan's boots, knocking their shoulders together. Ronan smiles at him, a small genuine thing he doesn't even offer to Gansey most times.

Adam takes Ronan's hands in his and pulls them both to their feet, pulling out his wire so that the shitty music was playing out loud now, the depressing melody twisting around them as Adam started to sway before Ronan could even process what was going on.

"_If you're so very good looking, why do you sleep alone tonight?_" Adam crooned with his eyebrows knitted together and Ronan spluttered. His body looked less tense than Ronan has ever seen it, his shoulders relaxed the same way as when he was on his board. Ronan found it a little challenging to breathe when the prettiest boy in Henrietta was practically serenading him with the Smiths.

"_Really, Parrish?_"

Adam only laughed at him, still trying to sing along and forcing Ronan to sway along with him. Ronan reluctantly shifted his feet at the same rhythm of Adam's crooning, cheeks warm at how ridiculous they were being.

"You're so angsty"

"Says you"

Ronan scoffed and turned off the music to Adam's protests, turning on his own rarely used phone to scroll through his playlist. Adam gave him an unimpressed look when he finally recognised the song, shoving Ronan lightly on the shoulder.

"Is that the Drake and Josh theme song?"

"It's called _I Found A Way_ by Black Tie Event, you uncultured swine"

"You're insufferable"

"Says you"

It was Adam's turn to roll his eyes, falling back onto the grass, with Ronan laying by his side soon after.

Ronan felt like he was floating on a lilo next to Adam, his body completely detached as his ugly head daydreamed the scent of humid summer breezes and warm hands cupping his jaw. Next to him, he felt Adam shift closer as he stared up at the clouds decorating the blue sky. Tilting his head to the side, Ronan allowed himself the indulgence of staring at Adam, only to find Adam was staring back. Wildflowers brushed his freckled cheeks as his eyes squinted with his smile, the blue of his irises was the ocean Ronan drowned in.

Adam had switched Ronan's music for his own again, the Cure's _Just Like Heaven _playing instead from his busted speaker. Ronan couldn't find himself the motivation to complain, not when Adam was staring at him like _that_ as an undoubtedly romantic song crooned around them.

There was barely any space between them, Ronan could feel Adam's calloused hands brush against his own bandaged ones. It was a small travel away, if Ronan was a different man, he would've leaned in right there and then to brush his lips against Adam Parrish's and feel the other boy's eyelashes rest on his cheekbones.

Instead, Ronan ducks his head under the intensity of Adam's undivided attention while Adam just grins at him as the song fades into the next track.

★

He doesn't stop thinking about Adam for days, his impossible smile haunting Ronan's dreams like a pleasant nightmare.

Wherever he goes, strolling the streets of Henrietta, driving on empty highways, in the hallways of Aglionby, Adam seemed to be always there. Like a magnet, Ronan would always find him.

Adam was venus as a boy and Ronan circled him like Jupiter's rings, the milky way of freckles that danced on his cheeks and bright casanova eyes made him seem untouchable.

Every time Adam skated pass him, a laugh and a smile would follow, and Ronan would find it impossible to ignore the heavy beating of his heart in his brittle ribcage.

★

The next time Ronan follows Noah to a skate meet up, he's carrying a board under his arm.

When he told Noah he was going to get a board and needed help choosing one, Noah gave him an annoying smile, like he knew Ronan was only getting a board to impress Adam. Ronan had thrown a pair of dirty jeans, he wasn't sure who they belonged to, at Noah's smug face.

They had ended up getting a black longboard with white skull details at the bottom, ravens decorating some areas, from a shop Noah recommended. It vaguely reminded Ronan of his pet raven, Chainsaw, the only reason why he bought it in the first place. He left Noah to deal with the boring shit like trucks and bearings, the shorter boy more than excited to choose Ronan's wheels for him.

"I still think you should've gotten the Barbie one"

Ronan nodded in agreement.

They were skating to the park now, Ronan still a little unstable as he pushed off, trying to control the movement of his new board. Noah looked at ease as he made swerves left and right on the sidewalk, doing a flip at the staircase they passed by. Show off.

When they reached the skatepark, Adam was already on the half pipes, only stopping to greet them.

He was grinning with his windswept hair, looking as exhausted as usual but much more alive. He and Noah bumped fists while Ronan unsteadily jumped off his moving board.

"Your car's almost ready," that was directed at Noah. "You look like a poser," that was directed at Ronan.

Ronan shrugged in reply, failing to jump an ollie in retaliation, which only made the other two boys laugh. He was vaguely aware he was making a huge fool out of himself in front of Adam Parrish but Adam only smiled teasingly at him, helping him off his ass by tugging on his arm. Noah pretended to wipe a fake tear, mumbling _'they grow up so fast'_, which only caused Ronan to flip him off. Noah was cackling as he skated away before Ronan could catch his scrawny ass and mess up his hair.

"I haven't seen your dumbass around lately" Adam mumbled when they were finally alone, kicking his board with the toe of his sneakers lazily. Ronan turned his head to survey the skatepark and its usual residents of reckless adolescences. Kavinsky and his loyal guard dogs were nowhere to be found, leaving the air easier to breathe in. Ronan only shrugged as he pulled Adam by the wrist to one of the more emptier areas.

"You've been looking around for me, Parrish?"

"Yes"

The sincerity in Adam's answer caught Ronan off-guard as he attempted a fairly low kickflip, causing him to trip and stumble before his board even left the concrete floor. Adam laughed at him, teasing and unfiltered, holding Ronan by the waist to fix his stance, no matter how unnecessary.

"I've been busy"

"Campbell giving you boyfriend trouble?"

Ronan gave Adam a very pointed look as Adam avoided eye contact, keeping his gaze on his own board, "I'm not dating Dick, gross Parrish"

"So no boyfriend?" Adam mumbled, pushing back Ronan's shoulders with both his palms in an attempt to fix Ronan's shitty posture. Ronan grinned in satisfaction at the high red blush on Adam's cheek as they continued to discuss Ronan's dating life.

"Not since K, no"

Ronan grinned as the blush on Adam's cheeks grew brighter, reaching to the tips of his ears. He gave Ronan his lip bitten smile and Ronan tried his hardest to stay balanced on his shaking board.

"What about you then, Parrish? No e-girl beau? Isn't that the type all you emo skaterboys like?"

Adam snickered at him, pushing him off his board. Ronan failed his arms out to keep himself from meeting the concrete, glaring at the still laughing Adam. Ronan ran back up on his feet, chasing Adam around the skatepark just like the night they met, a joyous cry ripping from his throat that reminded him of his younger self, small and in love with the universe during hot summer evenings.

They were panting when Adam finally surrendered, the two of them collapsing to the concrete ground. Ronan was vaguely reminded of that old ass Snow Patrol song Gansey liked to play on top volume when he was moody. Ronan would lay with Adam wherever he went, just letting the world dissolve around them.

"C'mon man, spill the bean, let the fucking cat out of the metaphorical gucci bag"

"You know what K would do if I had some e-girl girlfriend"

Ronan withered at the reminder that Adam was seeing K, regardless if they were dating or not. With how well they were getting to know each other, it was easy to forget Adam wasn't available. And it wasn't fair either, Ronan could feel the electricity between them, teasing and uncontrollable. It was easy to long for a boy so in and out of his league all at once.

Ronan knew Adam could sense he was uncomfortable talking about Kavinsky but Adam had no idea why Ronan hated the mention of that asshole. K had the most brilliant boy on earth and he was treating Adam like trash.

Adam extended his hand in comfort, an ivy vine that intertwined its tendrils with Ronan's fingers, hidden from prying eyes between their closely pressed bodies.

The garden of Eden bloomed underneath Ronan's skin where their warmth met and touched, the inferno in Adam's calloused hands should be a warning but all Ronan was helpless to do was cave in and wither under the press of his palms. Adam stared at him, blinking ever so often like curtains closing up the universe, the nebula in his gaze making Ronan preen. It wasn't fair in the slightest, not when Ronan could mindlessly hope his dance of tender longing could be a duet of two.

Adam's thumb brushed against his split knuckles as Ronan continued to trace every curve of Adam's calm face, twists of organs and pretty freckles blending into each other like ink to create an enigma of a boy. _It wasn't fair_.

Adam was in the backseat of his heart, the engine of Ronan's heartbeat revving up at the sight of him and the breaks were pulled apart by the wires, damaged and unable to stop feeling this way.

The game they were playing was a car crash waiting to happen and Ronan couldn't force himself to pull away or look the other direction as his heart burst into gasoline fuelled flames.

Adam brought their connected hands to his chapped lips and let his breath ghost the broken skin around Ronan's knuckles. Ronan sighed and closed his eyes. It really wasn't fair.


	3. manic pixie dream bitch

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw for brief mentions of child abuse and panic attacks (nothing graphic, just stay safe fellas)

Ronan had been avoiding Gansey and for once it wasn't out of annoyance or blatant disrespect. This time he was playing hide and seek with his best friend like he was the plague because he was trying to sneak off to meet Adam as often as possible.

Gansey hadn't known Ronan had stopped hanging around Kavinsky and his kingdom of narcotic addicts. Gansey hadn't even known they were screwing around in the first place. Ronan was mildly grateful for the fact, preferring Gansey thought he was being reckless instead of crushing on a cute boy.

When he saw Adam that evening though, Ronan inhaled sharply from his nose.

There were ugly lavender bruises decorating Adam's skin like morbid tattoos. His blue eyes were sunken in and lined with dark exhaustion. His skin was too pale and his hair was a horrible mess. He looked like a sunflower that had been left too long in the sun and wilted to rot.

Anger surged through Ronan at the sight of him, like the light behind his clever eyes had faded into television static.

Adam shrugged at him, his head hung in shame as he fidgeted with the sleeves of his baseball shirt, his feet shuffling like he was uncomfortable with Ronan's concerned glare. They were in the skatepark in broad daylight this time, at any minute now the rest of Henrietta's schools would open their gates and their silent sanctuary would become a noisy hell of too many people at once. At this point, Ronan and Adam would mess around before anyone could catch them, pushing each other on their boards down steep hills and gaining new scrapes and scratches. Now Adam could barely meet his eyes.

Bitter malice filled up Ronan's mouth, flashes of Kavinsky beating Adam to a pulp like he used to fight Ronan filling his head.

"It was a skateboarding incident"

"Cut it out, Parrish, you're too good of a skater to fall flat on your fucking face," Adam made a strangled noise, ducking his head in shame as Ronan came closer to inspect the angry inflammation all over his handsome face. "Was it K? Did the New Jersey dumpster fuck do this to your face?"

"It wasn't K"

The way Adam said it so harshly almost made Ronan want to reel away, his voice steady and made of steel with the only purpose to cut. Adam gave him a cool glare, one that made them feel like strangers. He looked untouchable then, bitter cold anger stewing around him like battle armour. Ronan felt like he would crumble to his feet.

Ronan felt a disgusting stirring inside of him, memories of K's knuckles meeting his jaw whenever they got into the slightest disagreement. Ronan knew Kavinsky as he knew himself, they were two sides of the same coin after all. He knew how easy it was to ignite the piece of shit's anger and how ugly he got when his temper rose. Ronan's nose still hadn't healed right after that gory shiner K gave him after losing a street race.

"You don't have to fucking lie to me, you know? I know the fucking Jersey trash is a massive fuckhead"

"I told you it wasn't him, Lynch"

"Then fucking who!"

"It was my dad, Ronan! Just fucking drop it alright!"

Ronan was stunned, eyes too morbidly taken by the sight of the purple blooming by Adam's cheek. There was no way someone would ever hurt Adam Parrish on purpose, especially not the man responsible for showering such an incredible boy with love. Ronan kind of wanted to puke, he very much wanted to punch a hole through Parrish Senior's face.

Adam was heaving, his shoulders hunched as he tried to make himself smaller. Ronan hoped the other Aglionby assholes were far enough not to hear his sudden outburst as he was forced to watch Adam heave into a mess of tired limbs and weary retreat. His mannerism reminded Ronan of fallen baby birds, sprawled helplessly alone with broken wings right next to their damaged nests. The misery on his twisted lips was hard to ignore and all Ronan could do was wish he was someone else. Someone else less brash, someone else more comforting.

Ronan knew how to deal with young chicks crying out for their mothers, knew how to care for sick mice by rubbing their heated bodies to his cheek. But Adam was different from scared animals, no matter how similar they looked. If Ronan even attempted to hold Adam in his arms as he would to a tired Chainsaw, his thorns would only prick at Adam's skin and leave him bleeding out more.

So instead of holding Adam and coddling him like he knew Noah would, Ronan took a step back and let Adam have his space to breathe.

Adam had his arms tightly coiled around himself like tree roots, heaving out and only making the bruise look way worse. Ronan only sat in silence close by as Adam sank to his knees, leaning against the concrete platform for support. They didn't say a word as Adam caught his breath again.

Ronan was briefly reminded of the time Gansey had a panic attack at the sight of a wasp's nest they stumbled across while mindlessly exploring Henrietta's forests. How helpless he felt while his best friend heaved and sobbed over something irrational even as they walked far away from the deadly colony. When Gansey finally stopped shaking, it was like watching him being rebirth again, coming back to the empty shell he left for a moment.

It was the same helpless feeling with Adam but Ronan knew better than to push boundaries when anyone got this way, hollow and terrified. Everything between them would be at Adam's control and at Adam's timing, all Ronan could do was wait patiently next to him.

And Adam does come back to himself eventually, resting his bruised cheek on Ronan's shoulder as Ronan scrolled through the playlists they've swapped each other. Ronan tries not to jump at the sudden contact, keeping his breathing steady for the two of them as Adam wordlessly took comfort in Ronan's presence. They were kings then, of their own kingdom hidden behind shadows and warm concrete, among shrubbery and overgrown Henrietta grass. Adam sighed, slowly humming along to the songs Ronan put on. Ronan melted into his side and Adam leaned into his touch, it was a mutual exchange of affection between two very touch starved people.

Ronan kept his gaze off of Adam's wounds, even as Adam started to doze off on his shoulder and his even breath nuzzled Ronan's neck, in case his anger grew too much and nothing could stop the force that was a pissed off Lynch. He was a reckoning of a boy and Adam Parrish was the only god he listened to. There was something incredibly sickening about the fact that bruises looked natural on Adam's tan skin.

It was sundown when Adam jolted awake, blooming from his short slumber like a prince awoken by the kiss of gold sun rays. After a minute or two of dazed blinking, he jumped in panic, suddenly aware of the time. Ronan grabbed him by his wrists before he had the chance to run off, making Adam peer down at Ronan in curiosity. Ronan already missed his warmth.

"Next time we meet, I'm getting you to listen to real music"

Adam gave him a sweet smile, his board under his arm as he waved shyly. Silent gratitude that Ronan didn't even mention the lilac on Adam's sleepy features.

"I'm looking forward to it"

★

Ronan was helping Gansey sort through books at the Aglionby library when he saw Adam walked in.

And by helping Gansey, Ronan was actually being completely useless except for moral support, watching bored out of his mind as Gansey mumbled under his breath with every title he pulled out from the dusty shelves.

And if Ronan was uninterested before, he definitely didn't give a shit now at the sight of Adam Parrish in his neat Aglionby uniform and pressed sweater.

He held his board under his arm, the familiar red logo a stark contrast among the dark auburn wood shelves and gold sunlight filtering through aged windows. Ronan watched as he strolled in with his bag slung on one shoulder, greeting the librarian at the front desk like they were friends. What a fucking nerd. Ronan tried not to trip over his own feet.

Digging through his pocket, Ronan made sure the mixtape he had spent all night making for Adam during one of the worst of his insomniac fuelled sleepless evenings was still safely tucked in his jeans before he approached the other boy, mumbling to Gansey some quick excuse about checking the elementary books section.

Adam must've seen him too because Ronan found him in the classics section, smiling shyly at the sight of him. He darted his gaze away from the yellow on Adam's cheek.

"Hey"

"Hi"

And Ronan thought, not for the first and definitely not for the last time, he was beautiful, even with the awfulness blooming on his skin. There was a grease stain smudged on his cheek from the mechanic job Noah mentioned before they had met, before Adam Parrish had turned Ronan's entire world upside down and inside out. When Adam smiled, his front teeth liked to pull on his bottom lip, his eyes shyly gazing from under his pale eyelashes. In his fine hands was a tattered copy of the Iliad and in his other was his beat-up board. Ronan couldn't stop staring

It felt secretive, this sneaking around they did between a labyrinth of dusty pages. Ronan felt like a child again, full of adventure and innocent wonder. Back when his dreams were hazy clouds found in heaven and his father was still alive to remind him he was still loved.

Being with Adam was like a pause button on reality and Ronan was afraid to lose it.

It was Adam who broke the relatively comfortable silence between them. Ronan hadn't really thought about what he wanted to say to Adam when they finally met each other again, only that he craved to be in Adam's orbit, an addictive thing.

"I'm supposed to be studying" He mumbled as he ran his fingers through his shaggy hair, lifting his bag higher up his shoulder for emphasis. Ronan nodded in understanding, further in awe at this miracle of a boy, talented and determined at everything he did.

"I'll keep you company," Ronan said as he helped carry some of Adam's shit as they found a window seat secluded from the few other Aglionby boys still in the library and Gansey.

That's how Ronan found himself tutoring Adam Parrish latin declensions with their shoulders pressed together.

Adam was yawning into the sleeve of his sweater by the time they reached the chapter on pronouns, Ronan feeling at home with the heavy vowels of the dead language rolling off his tongue. Adam peered over the rim of his paper coffee cup at Ronan, starry-eyed as the apricot sunset surrounded them in shades of gold and orange. Ronan tried his hardest not to melt.

And before Ronan could talk himself out of it, preferring all his actions to be spontaneous and reckless, he gave Adam the mixtape he compiled as Adam packed up his hurricane of second-hand textbooks.

Adam stared at the cassette curiously and Ronan felt himself burn into tender ashes even if his face was the principle of nonchalance, trying to study Adam's gentle reaction. Ronan watched as Adam's elegant fingers trailed the sharpie doodles Ronan drew on the cover, reading off the tracklist with his lips parted and quirked up at the corners, his eyebrows knitted together in pleasant surprise.

Adam looked up at him shyly again and Ronan tried not to fidget as Adam placed a hand on his shoulder, smiling like the sun.

"Robyn?"

"I told you I'd make you listen to real music"

"Then why is the murder squash song on here?"

"Fuck you, that song's a classic"

Adam laughed breathlessly, barely making a sound even as his shoulders heaved and his lungs wheezed in amusement.

"This is the nicest thing I've ever received, thank you"

Ronan felt a slight prick of guilt stab at his heart when his eyes subconsciously darted to the yellowing bruise living under Adam's pretty eyes. He didn't doubt for a second what Adam told him was the truth. Ronan couldn't help but want to give him more.

"No problem, loser, I'm more than glad to erase your pretentious music taste"

And the way Adam stared at him made Ronan fidget, burning under his skin as Adam tilted his head. He looked at Ronan like he knew, his clever fingers unweaving all the secrets Ronan kept close to his heart. The way Adam looked at him was like Adam knew Ronan was only trying to deflect from the fact that he had done a nice thing.

"You're such a sap, Lynch"

"I'm badass"

Adam rolled his eyes and scoffed, the amused grin on his lips betraying how he actually felt even when he shoved Ronan lightly on the shoulder. Ronan gave him his own smile, less shark-like than it's been in years. A stray strand of hair falls over Adam's left eye, over his fading bruise, as the sun filtered through dusty windows and illuminated his silhouette. Ronan had to grip tightly on the seat edge to stop himself from doing something stupid, like brushing Adam's hair away from his face and kissing his lips to every freckle over the other boy's nose bridge.

"A badass sap"

Ronan grunted in agreement as he watches Adam fondly trail the edges of the cassette tape with a shy smile, shifting it from hand to hand like he couldn't believe anyone would do something like this for him. It was then Ronan knew he would give Adam Parrish more than he thought he deserved.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> quick updates before exam season starts again :(


	4. to the sea, the sea of love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> tender boys go on more non-dates and do feelings-related shit

They're not meeting at the skate park this time.

Instead, Adam had knocked his knuckles against the lunch table Ronan was at with Gansey and Noah, rendering Ronan choking on his chips. Noah laughed at him while Gansey only looked confused onto why Aglionby's brightest was approaching them. It was the first time Adam made it known he and Ronan knew each other in school. Ronan felt put on the spot.

"Parking lot after school?"

Was all Adam said, clearly amused by Ronan's suffering. Ronan nodded dumbly, incapable of speech as he watched Adam disappear out of the cafeteria without looking back.

Gansey gave him an even more confused look as Noah slapped his shoulder.

★

He found Adam loitering outside of Aglionby, his hands buried in the pockets of his worn-out windbreaker and sneakers kicking his skateboard mindlessly on the rough ground.

Ronan ran up to him but slowed down his pace, to look like he wasn't too eager. Adam looked up and smiled at him when he heard Ronan approach, stealing Ronan's breath away. He tucked a strand of hair framing his face behind his freckled ear and Ronan briefly wondered if he could pull off a quick peck to his cheek as platonic.

"Ready?"

Ronan grabbed his hand and ran, not giving a fuck who saw them then, not Gansey, not Kavinsky, not any other Aglionby bastard. Ronan was happy, filled with sunlight and lips twitching with fondness, and he wouldn't deny himself the feeling Adam gave him just by existing any longer.

Adam laughed, bright and free, as he ran at Ronan's pace, howling in amusement as they conquered the streets of Henrietta undisturbed.

★

"I've always wanted to see the beach"

Adam confessed, barely a whisper over the sound of the stream they sat by, his fingers grazing over its moving glass surface before splashing water droplets all over Ronan's face.

Ronan scowled at him, his anger faux as Adam laughed in amusement, shielding his own uniform from being too drenched by Ronan's retaliated splashes.

They sat in evergreen grass and basked in the warm sun for hours, driving to a creek in Ronan's BMW, with garbage food from the gas station between them that would've made Gansey blanch. Ronan had taken the long route out of Henrietta just so he could watch Adam stick his head out of the passenger window, grinning like the sunrise as the wind combed through his perpetually tousled hair.

They've been planning this picnic for months, after Adam admitted he's always wanted to just escape the dull town just for a day. Ronan knew of just the place to take such a magical boy, the childhood creek he ran away to when he was younger, a remarkable trek away from his childhood home. It felt fragile, bringing the boy he was enamoured into such a private place but as Ronan watched Adam run around the forest clearing barefooted and dirtied by soil, it was obvious this was simply where he belonged. When Ronan had suggested they fuck around in a secluded forest Adam had agreed (you sound kinda like a serial killer, Lynch), only leaving finding the perfect time to go as the only challenge, considering the weather and Adam's maniac schedule.

Upon reaching, they settled down, meaning they just threw their assortment of junk on the ground and kicked off their shoes, making a mess in the stream (_fully_ _clothed_, to Ronan's disappointment).

Now they laid by each other, music from Ronan's mixtape playing from his phone's player, talking gently in hushed voices secrets that felt safe here. Adam braided the stems of wildflowers together into flower crowns as he told Ronan about never seeing the ocean before when Ronan told him he used to swim constantly during his regular visits to Ireland.

"How about this weekend, Parrish? A little tribal ritual between men by the seashore? Fuck up your wheels by grinding them with sand?"

Ronan raised a challenging eyebrow at him, ribbing Adam on his side as he laughed before the grin on his face fell and faded like forest mist.

"Can't this weekend, Kavinsky- I _have to_ go to his party this Saturday"

Ronan's own teasing smirk disappears at the mention of K, his shoulders tensing up like the heavy silence between them. Adam looked sheepish, looking rueful as he hunched his shoulders up to his ears, giving Ronan an apologetic look. Ronan pursed his lips and nodded in understanding even as his posture stiffened, reminded that Adam was off-limits.

He wanted to punch a wall, punch the sidewalk, punch Joseph Kavinsky in his teeth. The thought that Adam, amazing Adam that deserved to be worshipped and respected, was treated like an object to such a shitbag made Ronan fidget with anger, a familiar emotion now laced with care and (admittedly) _love_.

"Why are you even with that asshole, anyways? You're too fucking good for him, Parrish"

"Are you just saying this because he's your ex?" Adam teased but Ronan could tell he was just guarding himself, like sepals hidden behind flower petals, Adam had a habit of curling into himself like a scared creature at times. Ronan gave him a pointed look, unimpressed but willing to wait. Adam sighed and ran his fingers through his hair, giving Ronan a half shouldered shrug, "I'm not _with_ him"

"Then?"

"He's a form of survival, he provides me protection and narcotics and I repay him in other ways"

"So you become his toy for some drugs and a reputation?" Ronan groaned as they both sat up from their relaxed position. The air tasted like thunderstorm and Ronan could sense what was potentially a fight between them. "I didn't even know you popped pills"

"I only let him _think_ I'm his toy," Adam scowled, curling into himself with shame. He looked rabid and small, like a wild animal in defence mode. Ronan couldn't handle seeing him like this, self-pitying and bitter, the grimace on his lips the direct opposite of the charming smile Ronan had been falling for. "You wouldn't understand what it's like to live every day fearing for your life, and I just didn't want you to see me coked out of my head"

Ronan didn't understand what it was like to grow up in an empty home void of love. He didn't understand what it was like to be treated less than human by his own classmates. His loving family and scary appearances made sure of that, his armour and protection from a cruel world that he knew tortured Adam relentlessly. Ronan could sympathise, needing the protection. He had used Kavinsky as protection once too, but that was protection against himself and his constantly storming self-hatred.

Ronan couldn't fault Adam for playing stupid and putting up with K, all in the name of lifeless survival. But even then, Ronan understood Adam was way more than just a pretty face. He was brilliant and snarky, ambitious and sacrificing in every sense of the word. If Ronan had been anyone else, maybe someone like Gansey who wore his heart on his sleeve openly, then maybe Ronan would've said all these things to Adam, who was still twisting his spine into a shield from the real world. He wanted to tell Adam everything he's been constantly thinking about for the last few months, confess that Adam had been haunting his dreams nightly.

He wanted to tell him then, this beautiful creature of a boy, that he was anaemic for affection and Adam was his saving grace. Their evenings spent together alone made Ronan feel safe, a protection that didn't cost his soul or his life. It was just his heart Adam stole as payment, and Ronan didn't mind anyway. He knew those elegant hands were more than skilled enough to treat his useless beating organ carefully, no matter how polluted and dark Ronan thought it was. He wonders if Adam felt the same way about himself, if he did, Ronan would be more than willing to make a fool out of himself to reassure him Ronan would treat him like glass too, regardless of how ugly he thought his heart was.

It would've been easy to tell Adam these deeply rooted secrets then, at the moment sitting right next to him as Adam fluttered his dull blue eyes close.

Instead, Ronan knocked their shoulders together in silent comfort, adjusting the volume on his phone so that the music would drown the strung tension between them.

Adam sighed, a silent thank you, as he pressed his head against Ronan's shoulder. It was an agreement and a negotiation, Ronan didn't push any further.

★

The weekend of K's party, Ronan sat alone on the seashore, toes digging into warm sand as he raised a lukewarm bottle of whisky to his lips, watching hollowly as the merciless waves crashed over and over again onto the jagged rocks, a cruel kiss from the sea to her lover on land.

He could almost imagine Adam next to him, warm and inviting, a lamp in the endless darkness surrounding him right now. The sea breeze stung and stuck to his clothes as he drowned himself in the ocean's lullaby and his bitter golden poison. Adam would laugh, whispering as they pressed themselves together, mesmerised by the moon's silver reflection on the foaming water surface. In his self-pity, he missed the summer boy, the cold night too absent of Adam's bright sunlight. Ronan was Icarus and he would rather burst into flames than long for any other boy.

Ronan tried not to think too hard about what Adam was currently doing instead of being by his side, in the other side of town surrounded by a pack of rabid wolves and a monster that controlled them all. The task was getting too difficult however, the more drained his bottles got, so he turned to a stronger vice in a clear bottle this time, using it as an off switch to his buzzing head.

Getting home was a miracle that involved a panicked phone call from Gansey and nagging he could barely hear anyways. Ronan passed right the fuck out the moment his head met his pillow, too hazy to think about Adam or his pretty smile, his self misery contained temporarily for once.

★

The next time Ronan sees Adam again, he's nursing a pounding headache and cotton mouth that stole his voice, the bright daylight searing into his skull as he groaned.

The hangover didn't make the purple on Adam's face any less obvious though.

He looked like an angel despite the rot on his cheekbone and sunken eyes, the overbearing morning light and Ronan's blurry eyesight made him look ethereal and unreal. He was covered in dirt, dried up streams on his rosy cheeks, looking haggard and like he just escaped a cemetery, a corroded cherub statue eaten away by rain and moss. 

Adam Parrish was standing at the doorway of his bedroom in Monmouth Manufacturing.

When Ronan had finally stopped groaning in misery, he blinked rapidly to confirm no, he wasn't in fact hallucinating Adam right there peering at him, looking empty and extinguished, caked in rusty liquid Ronan could only pray wasn't blood, or at least his own. He looked like shipwreck and Ronan wasn't afraid to splinter his fingers on the thorns that Adam wrapped around himself, ready to set the world on fire if Adam needed him to.

When Ronan's tired head finally caught up with the program, he jumped out of bed and practically jumped Adam, gently cradling his jaw with both hands as he assessed the damage on Adam's pretty face. He was used to seeing Adam wounded but it didn't stop himself from raising hellfire each time. Adam didn't meet his eyes as he ran his thumb over the tender skin.

Adam hissed and Ronan pulled back, eyebrows knitted together in confusion and mild anger.

"Gross, your breath stinks, have you been drinking?"

"What the fuck happened to your mug," Ronan bristled, completely ignoring Adam's attempts to avoid the elephant in the warehouse.

Adam shrugged, self consciously bringing a palm to his cheek as he avoided looking at the raw concern on Ronan's face.

"I thought my father wouldn't be home by Tuesday, turns out his hunting trip was cut short and I was dead for going out without permission"

Ronan watched as Adam tensed up talking about his father, his steady voice trembled as he hung his head low, fidgeting with his hands like a nervous schoolboy. Ronan would've hugged him then if he was a much more touchy-feely person.

"He broke my board"

And just like that Adam's voice cracked, his eyes a little glazed over as he twisted his fingers in his lap.

Ronan was on high alert now, the angry monster inside his ribcage completely livid now as he pictured that son of a bitch breaking Adam's board, an object Ronan knew brought Adam most of his joy. It was impossible to imagine Adam Parrish not constantly skating around from place to place around town, smooth and free as he flipped and grinned each time. The skateboard had been an extension of him, everything Ronan adored about him was reflected in his mannerisms as he skated down the streets and down staircases, shattering it was almost like fracturing Adam's real bones. Judging by how Adam clutched his ribs, Ronan didn't have a doubt Robert Parrish had done that too.

Ronan tried to quiet himself down instead of letting that anger inside of him win, knowing Adam needed comfort instead of Ronan's blinding rage. He bit hard on his tongue as he reached for Adam's hand to get the trembling boy to sit next to him in his messy bed.

He must be out of it since he leaned into Ronan without protest, wet sighs leaving his bloodied lips as he melted into Ronan's touch. The door to his room was wide open but Ronan didn't give a fuck if Noah or Gansey caught him being tender, not when he was so reluctant to leave Adam's side.

Adam made a choked sound as he reluctantly wrapped his boney arms around Ronan's torso, dry heaving into Ronan's shoulder. Ronan was stunned, tentatively resting a hand into Adam's hair and petting through the curls like his mother used to do whenever he was injured.

They stayed like that for what felt like an eternity, Adam caging himself by Ronan's side as Ronan twisted Adam's curls around his fingers, like he's been itching to do since the night they met.

There's an ugly bruise on Adam's neck too, one Ronan had been staring at for far longer than the one on Adam's cheek. The teeth marks surrounding the lilac suggested it wasn't from Adam's shithole dad made Ronan uneasy and sick.

He brushed his fingers over the broken skin and Adam hissed, screwing his eyes tightly in misery. Ronan muttered an apology as he dropped his hands away from the other boy.

"Was this one K's?"

Ronan felt like rotting when he saw Adam nod slowly, in shame as he hid the lavender underneath his hand. Watching Adam wither in guilt filled Ronan's mouth with the bitter taste of last night's booze and his ears replayed the sound of angry ocean waves the same colour as Adam's eyes, it made him sick to know all his nightmares that weekend were true. His self-pity party was justified and it didn't make him feel any better about it.

"He said it was a reminder who I belonged to"

If Ronan wasn't a ticking time bomb before, he sure as hell was now. The exhaust on his wick was getting shorter and shorter the more he stared at the hickey on Adam's tan skin, his tongue heavy and sharp in the cage of his mouth, he bit on it until he tasted iron.

"Did it make the beating worse?"

When Adam didn't answer, only hanging his head lower, Ronan swore and pulled his withering body closer, stroking Adam's jaw with his thumb softly. "Fucking _Christ_, Parrish"

Adam made a sound that sickly sounded too close to a whimper as he buried his face in the crook of Ronan's neck. Ronan hushed him and smoothed down his back, regulating his heartbeat back into a steady rhythm. It wasn't fair how easily Adam, so strong and determined, had seemed to fall apart just with soft contact. But Ronan understood and didn't say another word, holding onto him like temporary comfort.

★

That night, Adam slept in Ronan's bed, never leaving Ronan's room since his arrival in the morning, which prompted Ronan to do the same, more than glad to enclose himself by Adam's timid side and offer the empty looking boy as much comfort as he wanted.

Gansey, who had been the one to let in a heaving Adam Parrish to Ronan's bedroom, gave Ronan a knowing look from his doorway as Ronan had an arm wrapped around a slumbering Adam's shoulder, looking peaceful and less soulless than before.

Ronan barely had the energy to scowl at Gansey, suffering from a literal and emotional hangover. He wasn't in the mood to explain himself yet, let alone his feelings for the boy in his arms. Gansey nodded and sighed in reply.

He left and shut the door gently, allowing time for both boys to mourn in peace.

★

The next morning, Ronan had woken up with all sorts of sores in his muscles from lying around all day and a cold, empty bed missing of any warmth. He groaned, almost convinced last night's messy emotional rollercoaster had been a fever dream, torturing himself for his unbearable crush on Adam Parrish.

But there he was, in nothing but his boxers and Ronan's oversized shirt, eating dry cereal in Monmouth Manufacturing with Noah and Gansey laughing at his sides.

He gave Ronan a sheepish look, his eyes not as bright and still tired, but at least they didn't look as empty as the previous day.

"I'm sorry for taking your shirt without asking, but you were knocked out cold"

If Ronan was any other man, he would've asked Adam to keep the shirt, the image of Adam Fucking Parrish with bed hair and wearing his clothes was going to bring Ronan to his grave early.

But instead, Ronan made a choked off sound which made Noah laugh at him. Ronan threw Gansey's briefs at his head.

★

Adam lives at Monmouth for exactly three days, longer than Ronan had expected considering how Adam felt about owing anyone, no matter how much Ronan tried to convince him his concern _wasn't_ out of pity. It was impossible to reason with him sometimes, downright frustrating, Ronan wanted to kiss his frowning mouth each time. (Gansey had laughed at him once when he went into a fit about Adam's refusal to let him pay for gas, telling him he had finally found his soulmate. Ronan denies the blush on his cheeks.)

Three days and two nights of sleeping in the same bed as Adam Parrish, they both stood in front of St Agnes carrying boxes almost barren of any personal belongings except for some ratty clothes and second-hand textbooks. Ronan didn't comment the broken board splintered in one of the boxes, knowing how much it had meant to Adam regardless if it was useless garbage now. The ruined coca cola logo at the bottom had meant something to Ronan too, it reminded Ronan of how easily and quickly he had fallen for Adam Parrish.

Adam refused any more 'freeloading' at Monmouth, claiming he needed a place with rent. Ronan thought he was insane but understood his need for freedom, not so subtly implying the room above his church was unoccupied. It wasn't like Ronan minded Adam staying with them, not when the best nights of sleep he had ever gotten was when Adam subconsciously wrapped his arms around Ronan's waist in the middle of the night.

"Home sweet home?"

Adam gave Ronan a look, one Ronan recognised as the look he gave Adam in return, lips twitching for the first time in days. It was just like that, Ronan was falling all over again, for the first time infinitely.

"Finally home"

★

They were okay after that, displaced and changed but still okay. It was like tectonic plates, shifting and different but not necessarily bad.

Without his trash dad anymore keeping him under lock and key and now that he had the ability to drop one of his three jobs since he didn't have to work for a household of three anymore, Adam had more time for Ronan.

He would show up at the church at strange hours just to keep Adam company and Adam would let him in every time, his eyes rolling but a smile still there as he closed the door behind them. Sometimes Ronan would even stay the night, they never shared a bed again though, it felt more dangerous now somehow.

They built new routines around old ones, like building new buildings on dead empires, seeing each other constantly. Their friend groups started to mix, Noah and Gansey possibly more in love with Adam than Ronan was. Ronan was still getting used to seeing Adam without his red skateboard under his arm.

It felt like fresh air, a new chapter.

Plus, Ronan noticed Adam's stares started to linger just as long as his did, the implications clear between them without words.

They would be alright.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the chapter is lowkey a mess oof (can i get an F for adam's skateboard)


	5. it's just medicine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the alternative title for this was 'tell your boyfriend if he says he's got beef, that i'm a vegetarian and i ain't fuckin scared of him'

Ronan worries constantly about Adam, just like how he worries over Gansey and Noah and Matthew and _even Declan_.

It isn't anxiety, he knows Adam's more than capable of taking care of himself, but Ronan feels he's at least entitled to be worried over Adam's state when he's borderline narcoleptic sometimes, sleeping in odd places and getting exhausted quickly. There are days where Ronan doesn't seem him at all, not at school or at the skate park, like he was a fever dream that disappeared off the face of the earth.

He understood it must be a living hell to get used to a new life so suddenly thrust upon you, knew Adam was constantly exhausted from work and school without his board to relief his stress anymore. Every time Ronan caught a glance of Adam's heavy under eyes, a source of sympathy courses through him, more than acquainted with the demons that liked to crawl out of the inferno living behind his eyelids when night came around. He knew exactly the reason why Adam turned to plastic ziplocks full of pharmacy.

That doesn't stop Ronan from getting nightmares about driving to St Agnes to find Adam overdosed on the floor from some neon pill, though. He thinks constantly about finding Adam's body limp and unresponsive, blue eyes hollow and mouth foaming.

And the fear is justified since Adam _doesn't_ stop seeing Kavinsky, much to Ronan's panic and frustrations, finally understanding how Gansey felt each time the other boy forbade Ronan from street racing the moment night fell.

(They fought about it constantly, with unshed tears and words wrapped in barbed wire, late into the evening in the tiny apartment above his church.

"He's _abusive_, Adam"

"He doesn't _beat_ me"

"He _caused_ you to get beaten up"

"Well, there's _no one_ to beat me up anymore"

When Adam's tone started to get bitter, Ronan knew when to stop pushing, instead taking Adam into his arms. They've been brushing skin more often lately, the both of them touch starved and ravenous for comfort. After months of knowing Adam, Ronan was fluent in his language of silent pleads and gave away his affections freely without expecting any returns. He wanted desperately to be Adam's medicine instead of the narcotics he took when he thinks Ronan isn't looking.)

He didn't comment on it often, preferring to ignore their issues in favour of spending blissful time with each other, between Adam's bone tiring schedule and the private times Adam reserved for being completely out of it. All he could really do was drown himself in his silent worry and check if Adam's eyes were red and bloodshot. Ronan doesn't know how to handle losing the other boy, a constant panic attack that relapses like a horror film in his head as he laid alone at night.

★

"Heard you were playing with my things, Lynch"

Ronan was sitting alone in the parking lot near to his car, waiting for the clock on his dashboard to finally six pm so he could fetch Adam from Boyd's. This has been his routine for the past few days now, surrounding himself with Adam's company had become medicine to his wounds, the best part of his life. Orbiting the sun and reluctant to leave his side. Wherever Adam chose to stray, Ronan would be there by his side without questions, a silent agreement of company.

He was more than willing to support Adam, showing his concern for the other boy in his own little ways. Take away meals and impulsive evening drives, whatever to keep Adam from still smiling even as he felt miserable. Ronan refused to let that light he had fallen for be extinguished by a couple of assholes who didn't realise how much of a gift Adam was to this world and a handful of colourful pills. He would've bought Adam a new skateboard too if Adam's stubborn ass would just _allow_ him to. Ronan missed the sound of his fading laughter as he skated by, missed the feeling of wind rushing by as Adam passed him in the hallways on his board.

And Ronan had been content before Kavinsky had walked up to him. He was laying on the summer warm concrete with his eyes closed as he listened to the gentle lull coming from the BMW stereo, the window open to allow the music out into the open emptiness. When Kavinsky loomed over Ronan's resting form, his shadow blocked out the sweet sunlight like a thunderstorm, his voice unmistakable to Ronan's ears. The Smiths continued to play in the background as Ronan's annoyance grew like wildflower sprouts.

"He's not your property, fuckface," Ronan snarled back, knowing Adam would hate him defending the other boy. Whatever, Adam wasn't here and Ronan had every right to go feral at Kavinsky, the hurricane of anger towards him had been constructing for months in Ronan, every time Adam twitched in pain a reminder of what K had done. The ugly violence that resided under his skin was crackling like a forest fire and his fists were begging for him to set the entire world aflame. "You have some fucking nerve talking to me after that shit you pulled, he could've gotten _killed_"

He doesn't want to think about Adam dying, especially not in the face of K, who knew exactly what Ronan's anxiety looked like. He definitely didn't want to think about how K was still killing Adam slowly, one neon pharmacy at a time. His fear of Adam's pretty head rotting from the narcotics and melting out of his deaf ear a nightmare that replayed constantly when night fell.

Kavinsky gave him a sleazy look as he pulled a lazy drag from his stale cigarette, the scent attacking Ronan's senses with awful memories. His wrist flicked in disinterest although his eyes played a different story, dark and terrifying, hungry in a way that made Ronan wither in discomfort.

"He has a talented mouth, don't he? So pretty too, too bad he's way too timid"

"Stop talking about him like that"

"Why are you defending that piece of trailer trash"

Ronan felt anger ignite inside of him like an active volcano, dormant for so long had finally been filled with enough scorching magma to erupt. Adam was nothing like what the other Aglionby boys called him. He was the ocean, cool and collected, endless and deep. An enigma that could drown men but looked so beautiful from afar. Adam Parrish was brilliant, he was a miracle of a boy with a head too good for this small town and an ambition that would take him far away from Henrietta.

He didn't deserve to be treated like shit by anyone, let alone Joseph _Fucking_ Kavinsky.

Ronan curled his fists tightly as he tried to avoid looking at K's stupid mug, heaving in ire. There were crescent moons of blood digging in his palms, the sting soothing his need to beat K's smug face into a pulp.

"This isn't about him, is it?"

K spat at his feet, his saliva reached Ronan's boots before he could jump away. Ronan jumped up from his spit on the sidewalk to shove at K's shoulders in a brief fit of anger. K only laughed a cruel melody that made Ronan's skin crawl.

"Come back to me, baby, don't you miss this, you self destructive bitch?" K whispered right next to Ronan's ear, his arm circling Ronan's waist and grabbing Ronan's ass.

Ronan shoved him away harder, until K's face met the road's asphalt. When the slimy boy struggled up, his eyebrows were cut and blood dropped into his eyes. His smile was still firmly in place, though, laughing in amusement.

Ronan felt sick.

"You're running around with my pretty doll and you're not even using him right?" He swipes at the crimson dripping into his eye casually, stalking towards Ronan like prey, "Fuck you really are _pathetic_, Lynch"

"You're the pathetic one for crawling back to _me_"

There's a punch to his eye. He hears more than feels the moment K's knuckles meet his cheekbone, a sick crunch as his head met the pavement. Then the throbbing surged at once as all his blood rushed to the area surrounding his eye socket. There's a liquid running down his temple and Ronan could only hope it was just his sweat. K was notorious for playing dirty. They were matching now, even, as both of their dripping red ran down their temples, mirrors of each other even on opposite ends of the battlefield.

The sting isn't immediate.

He feels his eye twitch, his jaw tight as his clenched teeth bit down hard down on his tongue. A quick punch lands on his jaw and his mouth filled with rust, blood running down his nose staining his canines red.

The next blow aimed at his ribs get blocked before K lands another shiner, grabbing onto the slimy boy's wrist, Ronan slammed K down onto the sidewalk, the adrenaline in his bloodstream racing to his heart as his muscles sang in the familiarity of violence. He clutched onto his broken nose as he dug into K's abdomen with his knee.

Sometimes, Adam would tenderly hold his hand and tell him he was soft, his fingers trailing fire wherever they melted into Ronan's skin. Ronan thought Adam was the smartest boy on earth, a head filled with too much brilliance, but he was wrong about this. Ronan was nothing but sharp edges from broken glass shards and hellfire in the shape of a boy.

Kavinsky laughed, a horrible sound that made Ronan's skeleton repulse underneath his flesh, another attempted punch to his stomach this time. They both jump up to their knees, digging and scratching on the rough surface of the street as they tried to make quick jabs at each other.

Ronan grabbed a fistful of K's dark hair and rammed his head down, making sure not to stain the concrete and gravel red with blood in a fit of his blind anger. K scratches him, pulling at the collar of his shirt so they both tumbled to the ground.

That wasn't him anymore, he refused to fight wars that did nothing but prove to Kavinsky they were made for each other. It sickened him to think about how K was _enjoying_ this, how he was just giving in to what the bastard wanted like a stupid child.

"Stop fucking _seeing_ him"

Ronan grunted, grabbing K by the shoulder and shoving him down. K smirked and kneeled his foot to kick at Ronan's chest, knocking out his breath.

"See him? See _him_? I couldn't give a fucking ratsass about some white trash hick" Ronan scrambles away as K got back onto his feet, towering over Ronan like a nightmare creature coked out "He's the one seeing _me_"

Ronan kicks at his calf but K only laughs, launching at him again like an unhinged missile, two atomic bombs ready to destroy the entire town.

Ronan knows better than to leave any of his side's vulnerable, dodging and blocking harsh hits to his face in particular. His nose still stung from the first punch and he could barely see from his blurry sight and the blood smearing his vision. But there was no telling how far Kavinsky was willing to go to see Ronan in misery, memories of watching K beat up another dealer with a tire iron filling his head as K wrapped his hand around Ronan's throat.

He was angry and Kavinsky was obviously high off his ass on Molly, his eyes bloodshot and red-rimmed. In theory, Ronan should've had the upper hand from the start as he landed a particularly strong punch to K's jaw, enough for a crunch sound to vibrate between them.

But as K smiled, his teeth tinted red and gory, Ronan realised he was always on the losing side. Not when K had always been so unhinged.

Ronan had no doubts they would've beat each other into pulps if he didn't run away. A Ronan Lynch months ago, a Ronan Lynch before Adam Parrish, would've gladly stayed and destroyed both himself and Kavinsky without regrets, nothing but lust for destruction and suffering. But something had changed in the short amount of time Ronan had been falling for Adam, a sudden acceptance for a cruel world, a need to be alive to see the other boy for another day. His edges were softer, his words weren't laced with barbwire, and he wanted to _care_ again. Adam and his rough fingers had sandpapered his corners into something that didn't hurt just from touch. He wasn't just made of needles and dumpster fires anymore. The boy he had once been, bright and loving, resurfacing after being frozen in icicles of grief and pain for so long.

It wasn't healthy to depend his entire will to live around one person, Ronan knew this, but having the privilege to see Adam flash him another smile was a better coping mechanism that street racing and breaking his knuckles.

One day he would be okay.

But that day would never come around if he got his skull smashed in by a livid Kavinsky, at the ripe age of seventeen and a half in a nameless parking lot. He didn't care about tomorrows before meeting Adam, now he was exhausted from running away from himself, craving to be by Adam's side as soon as possible to steal his warmth and careful touches.

Really it was this need to see Adam again that Ronan walked away from the gates of hell he was convinced was where he belonged. 

Taking a shaky inhale, he scrambled to his feet and made his way to his car as Kavinsky stayed lying on the ground, confused and angry at Ronan's retreat, hand swiping to grab him by the ankle. They struggle against each other before Ronan got a particularly hard shove at K's head, slamming him further away.

"You're a fucking _coward_, Lynch," he seethed as Ronan kicked him away with the toe of his boot. It was 6:21 and he was late from getting Adam at the auto body shop. He rolled his aching shoulder, sliding into the driver's seat with one last glance at K laying on the ground caked in both of their blood.

"Oh choke on my dick and stay away, Kavinsky," was all he could barely choke out as he coughed his lungs out against his dashboard.

Driving away felt like coming home, twisting his ignition and hearing his engine rev to life felt like the ending of something horrible he had allowed to mould inside of his ribcage for too long. With a final bloody spit out of his window, Ronan felt like he was finally getting rid of the last microscopic virus he had allowed Kavinsky to plague him with, his respiration finally clear of sickness.

A younger Ronan would've thought this current Ronan was a coward too, for turning away from a drugged-out Kavinsky sprawled out on the asphalt and screaming for him to finish this fight. But Ronan was tired of artificial remedies to soothe the aching hole gaping in the centre of his soul. As he retreated out of the abandoned lot, leaving Kavinsky this time for good, to rot like how the other boy had left Ronan to decompose, he grinned, ready to let gentle hands and shy smiles medicate him from his miserable loneliness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank u all for your F's, rest in peace coca cola board (i lowkey hate this chapter but ehh gce exams are in a month so,,)


	6. lovesick for you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the one where they touch lips (finally)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yeehaw, the title is from lovesick by summer salt because hc ronan loves soft indie songs

Adam gasps when he sees Ronan, dropping the stained cloth he was using to wipe off the gasoline on his hands to the ground. Ronan had seen a brief flash of his reflection in his car mirror, he has no doubt he looked like absolute shit.

There's a furrow in between his fair brows when Adam tentatively held Ronan's jaw in his palms, his boyish fingers trailing the bruise blooming around Ronan's eye gently. His clever eyes scanned the lilac bursting under Ronan's skin, calloused hands slowly tilting Ronan's head to inspect the damage from all angles.

Ronan remained silent as he allowed Adam to inspect him like a wounded animal. He knew he didn't need to be patched up, facing way worse from when he was _dating_ Kavinsky, he just selfishly wanted the soothing calm that came with Adam's skin touching his, his breath fanning over Ronan's senses like a sea breeze.

When Ronan opened his eyes slowly again, the concerned look on Adam's face made him ache. Adam's eyebrows were knitted even further together and his head was tilted sideways, his dark blond curls falling to one side as worry etched all his features. It wasn't too different from the look Gansey gave him when he came home covered in splinters and reeking of alcohol. The real difference was Adam didn't chastise him, only looked at him with understanding.

"Who did this?"

Ronan couldn't lie to Adam, couldn't play it off as an accident like he would've to Gansey. Adam was too smart for that, knew Ronan too well for that. Adam knew that humans caused the worst of damages, was fluent in the language of survival. Adam also knew Ronan was reckless and angry, and yet he chose to stay by Ronan's side.

Ronan swallowed audibly and leaned further against Adam instead of answering. Adam stroked the back of his head tenderly even if his mechanic co-workers were only a brief walk away.

It was incredibly easy for them to get caught, if any of the Virginian men saw them tenderly in each other's arms, two undoubtedly male teenage boys, there was no telling the kind of trouble Adam would get into. They would tell his father, Ronan might never see him again.

Ronan knew this and tried to pull away. Adam only gripped him closer by the waist.

Ronan sighed, resting his chin on Adam's shoulder as Adam continued to console him. He didn't need to be consoled but he enjoyed it anyway, allowing the tension to drain from his body as Adam coaxed out all the numbed pain out of his muscles. He breathed in deeply, the scent of gasoline and rust plaguing his lungs, as he tries to ignore the lingering ghost of Kavinsky that stained the both of them.

He must've been completely out of it, the emotional exhaustion finally catching up to him, because he barely registers the fact that he was being led to his car as Adam slid into the driver's seat, only dutifully entering the passenger seat numbly.

If Ronan wasn't so fucking tired, his mouth would've gone dry at the image of Adam Parrish behind the steering wheel of his muscle car, the way his concern looked on his handsome features collided with the easy confidence of his gear shifts. This could be a fantasy for later though, right now all Ronan wanted to do was _sleep_, a first time for everything.

He doesn't notice exactly when he dozes off, only registering the fact that Adam was gently nudging his shoulder as his burning forehead pressed against the cool surface of his car's window, creating a huge smudge he didn't have the energy to be irritated at.

Soon, a pair of lean arms wrapped around his torso in an awkward half-hug, supporting a majority of his dead weight as he forced himself to shuffle his tired feet to the front door of Monmouth.

Gansey's worried nagging at the sight of him sounds far off and muffled so he doesn't bother using the last of his brainpower to even begin to decipher Gansey's fast-paced words, instead, choosing to nuzzle further into Adam's solid warm hold on him. Adam's stray hand playing with Ronan's fingertips as he half-listened to Gansey's concerns setting Ronan on fire, craving to be closer until he was able to crawl into Adam's ribcage for protection.

Everything passes in a blur as he falls onto his mattress, groaning at the tenderness everywhere, prickling him like a million steak knives. He desperately surrenders to sleep, no longer rejecting her caring arms as he lulled himself away from being lucid and in pain. The last thing he remembers is Adam laying next to him, still in his uncomfortable coveralls and stained in addictive gasoline, before he drowns in dreamless slumber.

★

"C'mon, Lynch, you need to get cleaned up"

Ronan shot up in bed, head pounding and mouth uncomfortably dry. As he sat up from his laying position, his bones sung in pain as his muscles protested the fast movement.

He groans, doubling in pain as he grabbed onto his side, his other hand grazing his fingertips to the stinging on his cheek and surrounding his eye, no doubt crusted by the dried blood he couldn't be bothered to clean off earlier.

Adam Parrish sat next to him, voice soft and tentative, like choir hymns and wind chimes, looking like a beautiful dream.

He's barely awake when Adam tugs him by the torso, dragging his corpse-like body across the floor of Monmouth to the disgusting kitchen/toilet on the other side.

Ronan allows himself to drift off, enjoying the balm that was Adam Parrish's arms circling around his waist like a halo, Adam his angel during the worst of his nightmares.

It takes some effort but soon Ronan was leaning his back against the edge of the cold sink as Adam stroked his undoubtedly bruised cheek gently, calloused thumbs grounding Ronan to reality as Adam got to work on applying rubbing alcohol on the gashes littering his body like railroads.

It stung of course, the alcohol seeping into the red fault lines decorating Ronan's skin, but Ronan only seethed and bit sharply on his tongue. Adam grimaced in apology, one of his hands tangling with Ronan's limb one, squeezing Ronan's palm in comfort as he meticulously bandaged Ronan up. Ronan took in a sharp inhale, more to do with Adam's warm breath ghosting over his features than the pain he was going through, not that Ronan would ever admit that aloud.

Ronan tries hard not to think about the reason why Adam was so good at patching him up, unless he wanted to get into his second fight this evening with Robert Parrish.

"You still haven't told me who did this to you"

Ronan groaned.

Adam gave him a patient look, boney fingers tapping against the sink rim as Ronan ran a hand down his face. He nervously rubbed the back of his buzzcut, unprepared to face Adam's defensive bickering so soon after his impromptu mini coma.

"It was just K starting shit"

Adam nodded, even if his eyebrows furrowed together and he bit hard down on his bottom lip. Ronan sighed, leaning most of his weight on his arm as he waited for Adam's irritated response for defending him out of _pity_, knowing Adam was extremely stubborn over Ronan defending him.

Adam sighed again, laying his head in the crook of Ronan's neck. Ronan deflated, relieved they wouldn't fight over his impulsivity. Adam's hair brushed against his cheek and he hushed the shaking boy, holding Adam by his slender wrists.

"Will he stay away?"

"I'm sorry I scared off your dealer"

Adam shook his head in disbelief but Ronan feels his lips curl into a tired smile against his throat. Ronan grinned, his turn to cup Adam by his jaw.

With one more tired sigh, Adam pulls away to stare into Ronan's eyes with such tenderness it burned. He raised his thumb to stroke the bruise ornated on Ronan's cheekbone, wordless evidence of his love for the other boy. Ronan wonders if Adam knew he was his martyr, if he was aware Ronan would start wars for him.

The air between them in the dark bathroom was thick, with Adam looking at him through his eyelashes. Ronan swallowed his breath dryly, curling his fingers tightly on the edge of the sink to stop himself from catching Adam's lips recklessly.

Adam places a hot pink hello kitty plaster on Ronan's swollen nose bridge. Ronan taps on it in a silent demand and Adam grins at the other boy's silly antics, pressing a quick peck of his lips on the plaster too, a silent thank you that makes Ronan's cheeks burn red.

★

They get better together, antiseptic boys that healed each other's wounds.

Adam stayed over at Monmouth for an entire week, fussing over Ronan's quick healing process almost as much as Gansey did. Almost.

It was a dream come true to have Adam laying next to him every night, constantly brushing their skin together even if it wasn't in the way Ronan wanted. The quick brushes over his yellowing bruises would be enough for now.

Adam was almost diabetic with his affections, soft and gentle, loving and warm.

Ronan only longed for him harder, his heart lurching into his throat with every shy smile Adam still offered him.

As the scratches and scars faded, so did Ronan's doubt about their relationship, sure in his bones that he undoubtedly _loved_ Adam Parrish, sacredly like how a follower loved his deities. He loved Adam simply and wholly, loved him with the same ease he loved his mother and brothers, loved him with the same sureness he loved Gansey and Noah.

Adam eventually goes back to living at St Agnes when he deems Ronan patched up enough, much to Ronan's disappointment. At least they stopped sleeping separately, used to sharing a bed and seeing no reason why they shouldn't in Adam's apartment too.

★

Ronan's injuries heal quickly enough, Adam's internal scarring takes a little longer to overcome.

Ronan watches in pain as Adam goes through withdrawal without Kavinsky to supply him with his ziplocked vices, even as the other boy pretends he isn't in constant torture.

He had admittedly researched about withdrawal symptoms and their lasting period, an action fuelled by worry and insomnia. He was prepared, knowing Adam was probably going to suffer through a fever that would make him look like a corpse. Still, there was a difference between reading drug addict recovery posts off Google and seeing the boy he loved double over in misery with his face pressed to the cold toilet tiles, eyes barely opening and breath shallow, puking out every meal he's had since he was born (which is to say, not much).

They laid together in the small apartment above St Agnes after Ronan deemed Adam had officially stopped vomiting his guts out, although he was still withering on his mattress and sweating profusely in pain. It physically twisted a knife into Ronan's abdomen to see him like this, beautiful Adam Parrish with a heart and a brain that no one could compete with, rotting just because he had no pharmacy to numb his misery.

"I never wanted you to see me like this," Adam gasps out, his voice croaky and raspy from being unused. Ronan frowned and used his thumb to push away the crease forming between Adam's eyebrows, desperately fighting the urge to plant a kiss on his gross forehead.

"Hey shhh, you're doing alright" 

It was a strange feeling to be gentle and tender, a skin Ronan hasn't worn since he was officially announced an orphan. But as he intertwined his fingers with Adam's, grabbing tightly and shushing him softly, Ronan knew his sharp edges weren't needed here.

It was like watching one of his nightmares come to life, Adam currently not himself, whimpering and flushed bright red.

Withdrawal and healing were two things Ronan Lynch struggled with most, the empty void carved into his heart was gaping and sweltering in damage. His tongue still craved the bitter slide of cheap booze down his throat and his knuckles miss the feeling of being split open and caked in blood, and yet he would trade it all for Adam Parrish.

Adam's limp grip on his hand gets tighter and Ronan's eyebrows furrow together as he combed a tentative hand through Adam's sweat dampen hair, whispering vulnerable words of affirmations.

Adam was sick, that was all, feeling something similar to a common cold but with ten times more suffering. He would get better eventually, and Ronan would get better too. One day they'll both be more than fine and Ronan would gladly rip out his heart from his ribcage and offer it to Adam on a silver platter.

But right now they were both a little scratched and damaged from the hardships of their respective lives and Adam was in constant suffering without his awful pills to numb his usual aching. Like hell Ronan would let him rot alone.

Every morning after an almost relapse attack, where Ronan would spend the night curled by Adam's side in his cramp bed to make sure Adam didn't shake too much, Adam would always give him this guilty look and apologise. 

Ronan desperately wished he had the courage to kiss the stupidity out of him.

Instead, he would roll his eyes and shove Adam lightly on the shoulder before insulting him with fondness, "You're crazy if you think I don't like you enough to deal with your sweaty pits at night, Parrish"

And each time Adam would blush, either from Ronan saying he liked him or Ronan insulting his odour during his drug cravings. The red colour brought life to his face again and his freckles got more obvious, looking more and more like that all-american boy Ronan had fallen for so long ago.

★

One night Adam turns around in the small mattress to face Ronan, grinning with his hair plastered to his forehead.

"Maybe I'm addicted to you now"

Ronan peered down at him and grinned back, rolling his eyes as he shoved Adam by his shoulder. Adam smiled shyly up at him, eyes peering up between eyelashes that drooped from sleep and exhaustion. Ronan really wanted to kiss him then, but he wanted to kiss Adam constantly anyways, even when his mouth was gross and dry. Sleeping beside his crush a slow torture he wouldn't give up for the world.

"Stop getting addicted to things, loser, it makes sleeping next to your boney ass difficult," Ronan scoffed and Adam's grin only grew at the light teasing, rolling his eyes in response as he wrapped his arms around Ronan's waist. Ronan prayed to god from above the church that he was capable of surviving one more night with Adam Parrish touching him constantly.

★

Adam lasts a week without a relapse attack, the fever permanently subdued. Then a week becomes a month and subsequently, a month becomes two then three then four-

Adam grins at him brightly from his spot perched on a railing, smiling and waving Ronan over so they could walk back to St Agnes together.

He looked healthy and alive, his cheeks rosy in hue and freckles in full force across his golden skin, and Ronan ached. A god reborn from the ashes of his rot, Adam looked beautiful.

★

They do get to visit the beach together eventually.

When Ronan rushed out the door, Gansey gave him a withering look, like he knew exactly who and where Ronan was running off to that day. Ronan just told him to shove it and flipped him off as he ran to his car carrying a small bag of shit, late from fetching Adam at St Agnes.

(Adam was rightfully a little prissy with him but his excitement to see the ocean managed to dull down the relentless ribbing he would usually take part in whenever Ronan wasn't on time)

When they finally reached the beach, Ronan was awestruck, but it wasn't by the sea.

Sure he missed the seashore, the feeling of his bare feet being scrapped by warm sand and having the breeze kiss his cheeks, all memories he associated with a time when his father was still alive and his family was complete.

But the most beautiful thing about the ocean wasn't the angry teal waves or the steady rhythm of it's crashing, it was the boy standing in the centre of the horizon, grinning blindly with the corners of his eyes crinkled up and nose scrunched with joy after running straight into the warm water before even putting down their bags.

Ronan watched as Adam ran around, the ocean tide barely reaching his knees, as he splashed around in the water. He looked like summertime then, warm and inviting, his smile the radiant sun and his golden skin the loose sand. Ronan couldn't tear his eyes off him, a silent adoration for a boy made as a gift for earth.

His head short-circuits when Adam walks back up to shore after laughing abundantly, arms and legs dripping wet with saltwater. He carefully places their shit next to Ronan, not thinking twice before stripping off his shirt over his head.

Ronan's mouth went dry with a full view of Adam Parrish's solid chest, as warm as the rest of him with an entire solar system of freckles littered everywhere that made Ronan's head dizzy, trying to memorise it all.

Adam laughed at the blush on his cheeks, kicking water at the stunned boy from his territory on the seaside, looking boyish with his smile and damp hair falling into his eyes.

Ronan charged into the cold waters without looking back, thinking about how only a while ago he was on this very beach drinking away his sorrow over a boy he thought was untouchable.

Adam grinned stupidly at him when Ronan charged their bodies together, crashing into each other like sea tides, the levels of Adam's love drowning him. They stumbled, spraying water everywhere as their bodies collided. Ronan tugged Adam's head under the water's surface, the two of them fighting the sea before they called a truce and popped their heads above water.

Ronan had to remember how to breathe, Adam was beautiful.

Water droplets fell off his eyelashes like tears of joy as the collective laughter between them subdued like the consequences of a particularly harsh storm, the sun rising finally, breaking up the dark grey clouds. Ronan pays no mind to the other patrons around then, shooting dirty looks, as he circled his arms around Adam's bare waist, no clothes to dilute the burning Adam caused him when their skin brushed.

Adam grinned shyly at him before resting his head on Ronan's collarbone, silent gratitude as the water slowly evaporated from their shoulders. Ronan bit hard on his tongue before he combusted.

★

Adam was the sun and Ronan was barely the moon, just a dreamer who couldn't stare directly at Adam's brightness sometimes.

His grins made Ronan suffer minor heart attacks, his fingers intertwined with Adam's felt like prayer.

As they sat alone in the creek on the forest floor, Adam laughing as Ronan insulted his music taste, pastel pink plastic clips in his hair, Ronan couldn't stop feeling like he was in love with heaven in the shape of a boy.

Things changed, they were different people from the boys they once were the night they met, but they weren't strangers. It was impossible for them to be anything less than friend's, not when Ronan was fluent in the rhythm of Adam's heartbeat.

As individuals, they've changed but as a unit, they were more twisted together than ever, Ronan falling for Adam harder as each night passed by with them pressed against each other above St Agnes.

★

"What are we?"

Ronan whispered as he lolled his head on the back of his car seat, staring at Adam unabashedly.

They sat together in the front seat of Ronan's car, parked in the shadows of the skatepark's parking lot, waiting for Noah to finish shredding half-pipes so that Ronan could finally give him a lift home, impatient to be alone with Adam again. Adam hummed in confusion, obviously barely catching Ronan's question, especially considering his good ear was pressed against the side door, watching the other skaters with longing.

Adam didn't notice his staring so Ronan continued to indulge himself, mesmerised by the way the parking lot lights surrounded Adam's fine profile like an overly harsh halo. The white light bounced off his hollow cheekbones, his eyelashes casting shadows over his freckles. There's an idyllic look to him, magical and otherworldly as he laid his head on Ronan's car window. He was beautiful and Ronan was trying his hardest not to lunge their mouths together right now.

Nervousness courses through him, afraid he misread what Adam wanted from the beginning, his palms sweating up pools as he waited for Adam's answer.

Loving Adam Parrish was an unbearable task sometimes, no matter how much Ronan bit his tongue around him to prevent his affection to slip from his lips. Adam was enigmatic and he was beautiful, overwhelming Ronan in the best ways.

It didn't help that they were practically glued to each other's sides daily at every minute either, sharing a bed and connecting their lives together. They were practically dating anyways, with the tenderness Adam treated Ronan with. It was the fear of being the only one who felt this way that really made Ronan panic. He couldn't live with them being one-sided.

"We can be whatever you want us to be"

It's not a direct answer but hopefulness was still bubbling through Ronan's veins, his heartbeat loud in his own ears. Outside his window he sees Noah making suggestive gestures that Gansey wouldn't have approved off, choosing to ignore the other boy, Ronan rolled up the windows fully, trapping the two of them in their own private vacuum without the noise of wheels hitting metal rails. They drive away further away from the main pipes and the other boys before Ronan was parking near the fenced area of the skatepark instead, brief memories of their first meeting close by to the area.

Ronan cuts off the engine and the music from his stereo stops, he watched as Adam's chest rises with a deep inhale, a small blush on his cheeks.

It wasn't rejection, but it wasn't a confirmation to what Ronan suspected either. Adam turned to stare at Ronan now and Ronan withered under his intense gaze, the oceans living behind his eyelids drowning Ronan like a shipwreck. There was electricity between them, a life-changing moment that would ruin them both forever. Adam's eyes flickered down from Ronan's anxious eyes to Ronan's lips.

"What do you want?"

"You"

Ronan breaks the moment by laughing, spluttering as he tried to catch his breath. Adam shoved him on the shoulder but Ronan could tell he was smiling foolishly too, in that careless boyish way Ronan loved so much.

"God, that was so fucking _cheesy_, Parrish"

Adam kissed him.

Ronan was caught off guard, his body stiff and unreactive, all his nerves singing at once in shock like waves drowning him. He feels Adam stiffen against him, shoulders tensing up with every ticking second Ronan spent _not_ kissing him back like an idiot.

The kiss was gentle and tentative, so _Adam-like_, it was like everything Ronan had been imaging for months and so much _more_. He felt the electricity and magma that lived under his skin bubble, pouring out of his pores and suffocating them both with smoke in the confined space of the car. Kissing Adam Parrish was like waking up from a living nightmare, a golden gate to heaven, like choking on seawater.

Kissing Adam Parrish felt like coming home.

Adam's calloused thumb brushed against his jaw as he patiently waited there, his lips pressed softly to Ronan's, waiting for Ronan to reciprocate his affections. Ronan could feel him deflate the more Ronan gaped in surprise, feeling Adam retreat back into himself like ivy vines, waiting for Ronan to join their duet of mutual pining.

And Ronan did.

Ronan twisted his fingers in the short curls growing by Adam's ears, tilting his head so the kiss was more than just a brief brush of lips. He could feel Adam smiling against his mouth and Ronan's own lips couldn't help but quirk upwards. Adam removed the poison running through his veins through Ronan's teeth, the brush of their grinning lips a tentative and vulnerable thing Ronan coddled deep in his heart. Kissing Adam Parrish was like caring for broken deers and birds, it was like standing underneath a rain shower after months of drought, it was like worship in it's purest form.

There were no more warning signs or dangerous fences lined with barbwire, now that Kavinsky stayed away, to stop Ronan from dying in Adam's arms so he took _and took_ selfishly, drinking in the honey of Adam's sweet smile. The ravenous famine he suffered through, the ache in his abdomen when Adam smiled at him, finally satisfied and begging for more.

Adam was laughing against his lips and Ronan couldn't help but let a burst of giggles leave his throat either, humoured by their absurdity, the ridiculous and very real thought that Adam Parrish, sweet summer boy, _liked_ him back.

"How long?"

"Six months," Adam said surely and Ronan's heart lurched to know he wasn't just a second-place prize to Kavinsky, that Adam was so confident about his feelings for him, "You?"

"Try since the night we met"

Adam whistled, carding a hand through his fringe like he couldn't believe it either they were very much a realistic probability, that there was a high chance that their futures would be entangled with each other. Ronan nodded in agreement, holding Adam's fidgeting hand gently, barely coping with the terrifying ordeal of being known by no one other than _Adam Fucking Parrish_.

"All those nights you slept over and we could've been kissing all this time" 

Ronan smirked, pulling Adam closer by the strings of his hoodie, twisting at an uncomfortable angle in his driver seat to meet Adam in the middle of the gearshift. The way Adam looked at him then, eyes unfiltered with adoration, made Ronan wither and preen, missing the taste of his lips already. Adam was an impossibility of a boy and Ronan was in love with him. It was a dizzying thought to think Adam loving him too was no longer an impossibility and Ronan wanted to get drunk off of it.

"Looks like you'll just have to make it up to me then, skaterboy"

Adam grinned, all dimples and freckles, as he cupped Ronan by the cheek, forcing them closer together before they were kissing again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay so this silly skaterboy oneshot turned into over 15k words of angst and slow burn pining but i'm a clown so that was expected
> 
> just one last epilogue chapter and then i'll be free to write other slow burn pining aus (oof what about a gardener adam au)


	7. let's be real you're just my type

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> they kiss a lot and noah and gansey are forced to suffer through it (multiple times)
> 
> ronan be like *i make playlists for cute boys i like but im still edgy noise*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> for a skaterboy au there sure is a huge lack of any skating, the title is from the song skate shawty by crisaunt because of these lyrics: "i jus wanna shawty i can fuckin skate with, i jus wanna shawty that will listen to my playlist, i jus wanna shawty i can go on cute dates with" (b a r s)
> 
> (mostly unedited chief sorry)

"You know I could've just _walked_ to Boyd's to get my car"

Ronan grunted in reply as Noah dove for the aux cord.

The two boys sat alone in the front seat of Ronan's BMW as they waited for their third roommate to finally get his shit together so they could just _leave_ already, god only knows why Gansey had to dress up so nicely with his old spice cologne when he was going to sweat it off at the skatepark later anyways. Music started blaring from the speakers before Ronan could even protest, Noah smugly singing along to Avril Lavigne purposefully out of key as Ronan prayed for Gansey to just hurry the fuck up, dressing like an old man and walking like one too.

"Is this just an excuse to see your _boyfriend_?"

Ronan only grunted again, refusing to comment any further, playing with the strings of Adam's hoodie. If anyone asked, he would deny the blush on his cheek, a silent excitement to see Adam again he would never admit out loud.

They've been dating for a month now and senior year was almost ending, the summer slipping between their fingertips in a blink. Ronan may have gotten a little too attached, Adam constantly teasing him for his clinginess. 

To be fair, his genius boyfriend was leaving for college soon, a million miles away, and soon Ronan won't have a chance to kiss his stupid face whenever he felt like it. He doesn't know how he was going to survive to be out of Adam's orbit, not when his skin was crawling just from being separated from Adam for a couple of hours, but he was committed to memorising and cataloguing every second they spent together until his eventual departure.

Today was a date, their fourth or fifth official one since they finally became official, a decent amount considering Adam's busy schedule and Ronan's spontaneous behaviour. A day out together that didn't revolve sharing a bed at Monmouth or St Agnes, or chasing each other around in the parking lot of cryptic 99 cents stores. The only thing stopping Ronan from driving to see Adam right _now_ was his promise to drag Noah and Gansey along too. 

They were finally getting Adam a new board, Noah's shitty Mustang was finally fit enough for the road, and Gansey wanted to see what all the fuss about skateboarding about, being the only boy in their group who didn't skate.

All was right again, or at least it was going to be.

Noah had a devious smirk on his lips, glad to finally have something to tease Ronan about after constantly being picked on by the taller boy. He reached over the joystick to pinch one of Ronan's pink cheeks as Ronan continued to glare out of the window, arms crossed around his chest like the poster boy for teenage angst, even when he was excited to see Adam again. He knew his street cred was ruined the moment Noah found out he and Adam were swapping spit in between classes, who promptly snitched to Gansey and earned Ronan a very mortifyingly embarrassing sex talk from his friend.

It didn't take a rocket scientist or a scholarship student to know Ronan Lynch was fucking _hammered_ for Adam Parrish, a sappy looking passing his scowl at any mention of the other boy. His shoulders lost their tension and the corners of his lips twitched even if he never smiled for anyone else except for Adam. Some might even describe him as soft, and those _some_ will probably get their asses kicked, even if they are right. 

(_Some, of course,_ refers to Noah and Gansey, who have both, on multiple occasions, gotten their asses kicked by Ronan for even implying he was _soft_.)

(Adam calls him soft sometimes too, in between warm kisses with his fingers cupping the back of Ronan's neck. That was the only exception to the rule Ronan had, jello and weak in his boyfriend's arms when their lips were still brushing against each other. Noah calls it unfair, Ronan tells him to suck a dick about it.)

Ronan's prayers get answered when Gansey finally slides into the back seat just as Noah's about to grill him for being _in love_. 

"What's going on? What are we bullying Ronan for today?"

"Ronan and Adam sitting in a tree K-I-S-S-" Noah sang over the music coming from the radio. Ronan leapt at him from his seat, trying to stifle Noah's giggles with his palm. Gansey gave an exasperated sigh as he put in zero effort to stop either of them from their roughhousing, unhealthily used to his best friends' behaviours. 

Gansey was glad his friend was happy and in love but he whined regardless about Ronan taking too long to drive out the parking lot, regretting it soon after when Ronan smirked and stomped his foot down on the gas. _Hard_.

★

The only thing stopping Ronan from jumping Adam right there and then in front of Boyd's garage was the fact that he couldn't make out with Adam in the backseat of his car when Gansey was there.

It takes some effort regardless.

There stood his _boyfriend_, leaning against the newly painted hood of Noah's red mustang, smudged in grease and wearing a ratty t-shirt probably bought from a thrift store three years ago, especially since the thin fabric clung onto him a little too tightly. 

He gave Ronan a radiant smile, painted in the golden afternoon light, sun particles making his fair hair look like a halo and his freckles more obvious.

Ronan couldn't look away.

Noah nudged at him as he ran towards his car, pressing his permanently bruised cheekbone to the windshield and over dramatically hugging the side door. Ronan rolled his eyes as Adam made his way towards him, raising a palm to cup Ronan's cheek.

Ronan sighed and kissed Adam's wrist in greeting as Adam laughed at him, tugging on the strings of the hoodie Ronan stole from him about a week ago when he ran out of clean clothes. Ronan was sure half his closet was in Adam's drawer anyways, the other half on Adam's floor, it was only fair he got to wear Adam's trash too.

"Missed me, Lynch?"

"Shut up" Ronan murmured against Adam's hand, breathing in the addictive scent of car oil rolling off him like flammable waves. Adam shook his head and pulled the hood from his jacket over Ronan's head, bringing their faces together. "Where's Boyd?"

"He's in his office," Adam whispered against Ronan's lips, smile teasing and hot breath drowning all of Ronan's common sense.

Knowing it was safe, Ronan brought their mouths together and finally fed his craving for Adam Parrish's gentle touch. Adam hummed against his lips, calloused thumb stroking Ronan's jaw as he tilted his head to give Ronan a proper kiss. Ronan felt like he would combust.

Kissing Adam Parrish was like speaking a dead language, dangerous and meant for worship. It was learning something complicated and natural. Wildflowers sprouted from between his teeth, a warm summer breeze, his fingers intertwining with Ronan's between their burning bodies were like ivy tendrils. It was a _hello_ and a confession, a silent _'I love you'_, a returned _'I adore you'_. It felt like coming home.

"Gross," Noah complained from his space behind the wheel of his Mustang, Gansey in the passenger seat, even while he was recording his friends on his phone. Ronan flipped him off and kissed Adam even more deeply purely out of spite. Adam laughed against Ronan's mouth even as he dutifully kissed Ronan just as tenderly.

★

They drove in separate cars. Ronan and Adam in the BMW while Gansey and Noah rode in the Mustang. Ronan sped on the way to the mall just so that he had those few seconds to make out with Adam in his backseat while waiting for the other two losers to finally arrive.

Adam rolled his eyes when Ronan explained his plan, shifting his gear, but didn't complain when they both rushed into the back seat with their mouths openly nipping at any skin they could reach from their awkward angles. In turn, Ronan didn't complain when Adam ruined the mood by switching the stereo to his skating playlist mostly filled with the fucking Smiths. At least _too much_. Their companionship was a mutual relationship, a give and take of sea tides. Adam would put up with Ronan's antics and Ronan would suffer through Adam's shit taste in music.

Ronan stops whining about it when Adam bites the junction between his shoulder and neck though, smiling smugly as he marked up the skin, much prettier than any bruise Ronan wore before, a silent show of affection instead of anger.

(It's _definitely_ worth Noah and Gansey's ribbing later on)

★

They stood huddled up in a group in the fairly narrow store as Adam looked around at the decks mounted on the neon green wall with his eyebrows furrowed together and chewing on his chapped lip.

His old board was definitely gone for, the plywood had splintered into pieces and no amount of duck tape was going to change that, but at least the wheels and bearings were still useable, leaving only the main piece needed.

(They had buried the old deck six feet under the dirt behind Monmouth, no matter how stupid Adam thought Ronan was for suggesting to hold a funeral for it. Ronan only played his bagpipes louder and even more out of tune in retaliation. Noah sprayed the garden hose down from the roof to mimic rain while Gansey pretended to cry. Adam chased them around with the hose after the "funeral" was over.)

Gansey peered around in curiosity, looking ridiculously out of place in his salmon pink polo surrounded by boards decorated with skulls and dragons. Noah had taken it upon himself to go on a long lecture about skateboarding, which Gansey listened to attentively like one of his history lessons. Ronan's pretty sure Noah was trying to convince Gansey to purchase a Thrasher sweatshirt unironically, horrified with the image of Richard Campbell Gansey the Third dressed like a nicotine-addicted white boy.

With his two friends and roommates successfully distracted, Ronan allowed himself the privilege of wrapping one arm around Adam's waist as Adam's index finger trailed the various designs underneath the multitudes of decks.

Adam didn't say a word at Ronan's sudden contact, simply grinning as he tilted his head to kiss Ronan's cheek without giving a fuck about the store clerk who gave them wary look.

Adam had wanted a new board for months now, Ronan knew this because every time they went on their late-night drives and passed the skatepark, Adam would always have this longing look on his pretty face as he rubbed his cheek.

But despite how much Adam wanted a new board, and how much Ronan wanted Adam to have a new board, he didn't get one immediately, refusing when Ronan offered to pay.

(He was very adamant about no boards as birthday or christmas presents either. Ronan whined in protest but quieted down once Adam had his lips on his.)

He wanted to pay for his own board, like he did his first, saving up his very limited spending money for the coca cola skateboard from the thrift store. Now that Adam was content he had enough to spend and a decent amount in savings, they went together, finally getting him a new deck. Ronan missed seeing Adam skate, the blurry quality of his laugh when his rushed by was a melody he refused to forget, the fluid motion of his torso as he sped forward burned into the back of his skull. 

Also because Adam was _hot_ when he did kickflips. Ronan unfairly impressed with his talented boyfriend.

After what felt like hours, Adam finally tentatively removed a deck from the wall, clutching it close to his chest. His lips twitched into a small smile as Gansey and Noah rushed from the clothing section of the store to see the board Adam had chosen.

Ronan peered at it and nodded in approval at the design. It was the Magician tarot card from the Rider-Waite deck, glossy and unscratched yet. Ronan nodded his approval again as Adam traced the design fondly, grinning first to himself then brightly at Ronan. His hair fell over his eyes, void of any bruises for months, biting his bottom lip shyly. Ronan was just glad Adam was happy, summer in the form of a boy, his heart hammering in his ribcage at the sight of an unfettered Adam Parrish.

When the checked out at the counter, Ronan reached for a sticker of the coca cola logo and Adam gave him a knowing smirk, barely waiting to leave the store before pulling Ronan by the collar for a kiss. Noah had whistled and hollered while Gansey made an embarrassing noise of surprise. The board pressed between their chests as Adam caught Ronan's bottom lip between his teeth briefly, smiling against Ronan's mouth. Ronan couldn't help but laugh when they separated, Adam grabbing him by his wrist and skating off on his board by his side to the car.

★

Watching Adam Parrish skateboard was something Ronan could only describe as a religious experience.

He had a blinding grin on his face as he made his first ollie in forever, knees bent high up before he landed perfectly on his bearings. There was a pink flush to his face, damp hair sticking to his forehead as he skated without any breaks, getting back used to what once felt as natural as walking to him. He looked similar to those nights when he went through withdrawal but the grin on his lips showed he was healing instead of suffering. Ronan was in love, heartbeat stuttering at seeing Adam Parrish vast like the night sky and healed from deep bruises.

It was evening time when they finally reached the skatepark, Adam and Noah running from their car seats and lurching straight onto their boards as they rode off before Gansey and Ronan could even leave their respective vehicles. There's a loud laugh that was undoubtedly Adam's followed quickly by a soft thud and the sound of an escaped rolling skateboard clattering away. Ronan grinned fondly to himself as he led a confused Gansey to the fence Ronan usually leaned against when he used to run away to the skatepark with Adam, mostly because he could watch Adam best from this angle.

It's been an hour, the sunset giving into the night sky and Adam showed no signs of stopping anytime soon, elated to be skating again. Ronan had no plans to complain, feeling content to just bask in Adam's unfiltered happiness.

Ronan could only describe what he was feeling as pride as he watched Adam ride against the steep walls of the skatepark, almost always landing on his board perfectly each time. It was the whoops of joy Adam let out after grinding his board on the metal rails that made Ronan's heart lurch, it was the electrical smile that decorated his lips when he shredded the halfpipes that made Ronan want to kiss him senseless.

To the side, Noah was teaching Gansey how to push off using Ronan's barely used skateboard, a helmet on Gansey's head as he kept tripping over his own feet. It was a comical sight but Ronan bit his tongue from bullying Grandpa Gansey _too much_, himself awful at even stopping his board.

★

Hours later of staring unabashedly at Adam, a skateboard rolls loudly towards him against the smooth concrete before nudging at Ronan's ankle, his own.

Adam loomed over him, huffing slightly out of breath as he smiled down at Ronan, bending impossibly low so that their noses were brushing.

"Hey, handsome got any tricks?"

"Yeah," Ronan grinned, pulling Adam's face down until Adam landed in his lap, pressing their lips together. He carded his fingers through Adam's sweaty hair no matter how gross it was, heat pleasantly thrumming through his bloodstream all night thinking about Adam's pretty mouth.

Adam grinned and pulled away, looking at Ronan through his eyelashes. Ronan sighed, pulling out the hot pink clips from Adam's hoodie pocket to keep Adam's dirty blonde hair out of his eyes.

"That's not what I meant Lynch"

"I didn't hear you complaining when we were playing tonsil hockey, Parrish" Ronan groaned, grabbing Adam by the jaw so he could finally settle the famine he had for Adam's touch. Adam doesn't resist him but Ronan could feel his smile as their mouths slotted against each other, unashamed with their affections. Ronan couldn't find it in himself to feel the slightest bit of embarrassment for loving Adam Parrish, not when this beautiful boy was still alive to be adored like he should've been since the beginning.

Ronan groaned in reluctance when Adam pulls away and pulls Ronan up by his arm, kicking Ronan's skateboard to his foot, "We can play more tonsil hockey in the back of your car if you can catch me"

Ronan complies with Adam's silent request with minimal complains, unable to deny the other boy anything (even the fucking moon) (even though Ronan has no idea what Adam would do with the moon, he would give it to him without a question), and used his ankle to push down the nose of his board as he jumped up, unsteadily landing a little too heavily back on his board's bearings. He beamed at Adam smugly who only shook his head, smile bright on his lips and dimples poking out.

"Wow impressive," Adam whistled, voice dripping in sarcasm as Ronan obnoxiously flexed his arms in an attempt to embarrass Adam. Judging from how Adam was covering his face and only looking at Ronan through his boney fingers, Ronan would call it a success.

"Thanks my hotass boyfriend taught me that one"

Adam rolled his eyes at him, wrapping his fingers loosely around Ronan's wrist as he dragged them to a dense hill, readying his stance on the tail of his board, his shoulder's squared up as he shifted his footing.

"Your boyfriend a good teacher?"

Ronan nodded, giving Adam a stupid grin as he tried to mimic the other boy's posture, knowing for a fact he was going to lose and Adam was still going to make out with him regardless. He was just entertaining Adam at that point, feeling soft at how much happier Adam seemed compared to the night they met, heart stuttering to know Adam was happier _because of him_. Adam brought Ronan's wrist up to his lips and pressed a quick kiss to his pulse, Ronan's cheeks burning with heat, completely gone for this angelic boy.

"I mean I _am_ with the skaterboy"

Adam rolled his eyes again, pecking Ronan's lips before he unfairly pushed himself down the slope while Ronan was still distracted by Adam's gentle mouth.

"I said see you later, boy," Adam shouted back in retaliation, skating faster before he and Ronan would eventually collide into a tangle of limbs on the concrete, Ronan would pin him down in mock annoyance at Adam's head start while Adam laughed against his lips, breath mixing underneath the moonlight.

Ronan shouted in mock offence, calling Adam a cheater before he went off after him, laughing as he picked up speed, knowing he would follow Adam to the ends of the earth without questions. His heart was in his throat with the wind kissing his face, he grinned brighter than he thought he was ever capable of as he fell down the hill and further in love.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this babey is done wahoo !! thank y'all for sticking through my bullshit and my very inconsistent writing, these boys were just such a huge joy to write and i'm not letting this au die just yet because my clown ass wrote multiple other drafts of them just going on more stupid dates and making out (peak romantic garbage to fuel my gay touch starved ass)
> 
> god, this is my own fic but like, phat uwu ya'know?


End file.
